Goodbye 2009!

May this finally be the one...

Merry Christmas Mia

As has now become tradition, I'm again sharing my favorite "waiting for my daughter" Christmas song by Third Day.

I spent some time this evening... the fourth Christmas Eve since my daughter was born in my heart... and let myself imagine what this holiday will be like when she's finally home where she belongs. Those dreams are nice. But the reality is hard. I pray this is the last Christmas spent without her. There's a mommy, grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins all waiting for her to take her place within this family. We've waited so long for her. Please God ....let next Christmas be different. Next Christmas I want to cry myself to sleep with happy tears instead.

Breakthrough

I'm interrupting my self imposed bloggy break to document a significant event that happened over the weekend. (Don't worry... I'll be back after the holidays. I just needed to clear my head a bit.)

About the time Tess turned one, she started a phase of "I no longer like Aunt Krista". Call it separation anxiety or whatever other term you want. But the fact was... I couldn't even look at her without causing her bottom lip to quiver. Seriously. I'm talking crocodile tears if I got too close. Or tried to talk to her. And gawd forbid if I touched her. No way! There was no holding her during that time. Especially if mom and dad were anywhere within a 50 yard radius. Forget it. She hated me.
I don't recall ever experiencing this with any of the other T's. I secured my "coolest most super awesome fun aunt in the world" title immediately amongst this rest of this group. I mean they battle over who gets to sit next to me at the table. They beg to spend the night at my house. Seriously... I'm a fan favorite in the T's household. Except for that littlest one. She was having no part of it. I was at a loss for how to fix this situation. So I just took my time and stood back.

But on Sunday, while over at the T's house for our annual Christmas cookie making, something shifted in her. Just as I always do to gauge her reaction.... I held my arms out to her in the universal sign of "come here baby I want to pick you up". Usually she looks at me like I'm crazy and goes to hide behind a parent or sibling. But not this time!! She paused, sized me up and took a step TOWARDS me. What? I was baffled. Then in a shocking reversal she actually lifted her arms to me to communicate in the universal baby signal of "hey pick me up". So I did. There were no tears. None. No writhing and squirming as she reached out for a parent to save her as before. Nope. She actually let me hold her. A breakthrough!!Later in the evening, just to see if maybe that was a one time fluke... I tried again. I reached down for her Even Though Her Mother Stood Right Next To Her. I thought "she's never going to go for this with mom in the same room". But she did!! Not only did she let me pick her up... but I got Kisses And Hugs, too!! I was so excited. Maybe the spell has finally been broken. We shall see.

But I just had to document this so when she's older and can't imagine me as anything but "the coolest most super awesome fun aunt in the world" like the rest of them... I will remind her that there were about 4 months of her young life when she wouldn't give me the time of day. LOL!

Happy 7th Birthday Tatum!

I love you bunches!

How Many More?

Powerful

In spite of the hurt this long wait for my daughter has created, it's also been a blessing on some levels. It's allowed me the time to work a second job while I scrimped and saved money to pay off my adoption debt. The money is there now. So to show my appreciation for the peace of mind that bank account brings me, I've decided to pay it forward by committing to a monthly donation... instead of just a little here and there as I normally do.

I was moved by this message and made a decision to invest in the future of young girls. There are many programs to donate to within this organization. But since my heart belongs to a particular part of the world, I chose this charity. Project GLOW stands for Giving Leadership Opportunities to young Women. Because of it, girls ages 10-18 in the Yi ethnic group in rural China are able to attend an innovative new school, free of charge, that educates them in traditional subjects as well as teaching them vocational skills so they can later earn a living.

I've also committed to fully sponsor a child through my favorite charity, Half the Sky. Half the Sky offers the love and concern of family for thousands of orphaned children in China who have lost theirs. They provide individual nurture and stimulation for babies, innovative preschools that encourage an early love of learning, personalized learning opportunities for older children, and loving — and most important, permanent — foster homes for children whose special needs will keep them from being adopted.

If you have the ability, there are many places in the world that need help. Please do your part.

Surgey Went Well

I only had a couple minor meltdowns once we got to the hospital. Everyone was very understanding about it after hearing my medical history. My own personal nurse (and BFF), Lisa, took care of me all day yesterday. Thanks girl. I love you! My mom is here today. My leg is wrapped, elevated and being iced. Having trouble getting around on crutches though. All the numbing anesthesia wore off about 6am so I'm feeling it today. The vicodin takes the edge off... but I can't keep my eyes open. Thanks for all the prayers. I'll be back in a few days. :)

PS. Happy 41 Month LID-versary to me today!

Superstitious?

What was I thinking to let the doctor schedule this surgery for Friday the 13th? Don't they know how bad my luck has been when it comes to this kind of thing?! I really don't need any added superstitions.

I have to be at the hospital in 6 hours. So why am I still on the computer? One word.... denial! I can say "I'm having surgery" all I want. Because they're just words falling outta my mouth. There's no meaning behind them as far as I'm concerned. Because I refuse to let my head process what those words signify. I started to a little bit yesterday when I was discussing things with my Lieutenant. And I started to hyperventilate a little. That PTSD just has a mind of it's own and pops up at the most inconvenient times. Yeah... it wasn't good. So I decided to go back to my happy, disconnected place until I absolutely have to face things. Which will be in about 6 hours! Oh crap... make that 5 hours and 50 minutes. But it's okay. I can handle it. I have valium. LOL!

So please say a few prayers for me that all goes well. And that I don't freak out too bad. It's just a minor little outpatient thing to fix some torn cartilage in my knee. I don't think the doctor can kill me doing that, right? (insert nervous laugh here)

Trick or Treat '09

Two skeletons, a cheerleader, a scarecrow, a vampire and one tired little froggy who hadn't had a nap.
The night was made even more fun with Braeden joining us this year. My brother and Kristy split off a little early to head back to the house cuz he was tired of walking. We were in my sister's neighborhood so they didn't know the way. They asked her how to get back home. Braeden piped up out of nowhere that they should "follow the yellow brick road". Guess he took his costume very seriously and was fully in character. It was pretty damn funny!

Right about 8pm as we were nearing the T's house, I looked up and saw a shooting star fall from the sky. I quickly made a wish. Let's just say my wish involved next Halloween and who I take trick-or-treating. ;)

And The Winner Is.....

First I have to apologize for being a day late with this. I got the smackdown a few days ago from a pukey, feverish, flu-like, bronchitis crud that has made this a not so pleasant week. But moving on to the important stuff....

I had so much fun picking the winner that I decided to grab another name out of the hat and have a runner up prize. Sorry no video of that due to the above mentioned crud. Trust me ... I couldn't subject y'all to that wild looking woman with the death rattle in her chest. Thank goodness it seems to have run it's course cuz I'm feeling much perkier today. So here we go...

The first name I drew was "M". Her blog is called Deep Tangents. Congrats "M"! Wanna know whatcha won?
A gorgeous wide band sterling silver ring! I love this ring and actually own one myself that I wear on my middle finger. Which is how I came to have this extra one. This ring wouldn't fit my middle finger so I ordered a size up and just never got around to returning it. So "M"... you get to benefit from my procrastination. LOL!
I get so many compliments every time I wear this. I hope you love it as much as I do! I'm also including this cute crayon roll for "A". It's great to throw in your purse for those moments when you're out and just need something to occupy the kid. If anyone is interested in this sweet little find, they're at this Etsy site.
My runner up is Lisa (aka Half Gaelic Half Garlic) from The Long Road To China. Congrats Lisa! Since she has a log in date of May 12, 2006, I thought I'd include some items for the baby. A brand new Fisher Price "Sonya Lee" doll and a sweet little long sleeved onesie from Baby Gap. With penguins on it, of course.Lisa... I didn't want to have your other "baby" feeling left out so I included a cozy pair of footed penguin pj's for Sarah in a size 3T. I sure hope they fit. With those frigid Pennsylvania winters, she'll need them. Unfortunately, I don't have a pair big enough for Nick. I hope he doesn't get his feelings hurt. LOL!
Congratulations again to "M" and Lisa! Just e-mail me your addresses so I can get these out in the mail to you both. (I know I had your addy, "M".... but seem to have misplaced it.) Thanks to all who left comments and participated in my 500th post giveaway. This was fun!

500 ** update

I just realized I was stuck at 499 posts. So this makes the 500th! You'd think with blogging since summer of 2006, I'd be further along. But nope. Just at 500. I guess that's because I've been such a blog slacker over the last 3 years.

And to add to that... I haven't been in the mood to blog here lately at all. I have too many things weighing heavy on me right now. A family member with a serious health problem, an immense amount of job stress, the devastation that my adoption might be over (but after many sleepless nights, back and forth debate with my agency, and maybe buying myself an ulcer with the worrying... that issue has been resolved and all is okay), surgery in 3 weeks (which is freaking me out so bad the doctor has to sedate me.... to be able to sedate me), and a major life change that I certainly never predicted for my future.

Sorry to be so cryptic but I just don't even have the mental energy to explain it all. So bear with me as I work through as much of this as I can.... and I'll be back.

To bring a little positivity to this downer post and to somehow mark the big 500 number, I've decided to give something away. I've seen other people do it and it seems like a fun distraction that I could use right about now. What am I giving away? Well, I don't know yet. I haven't thought that far ahead with this idea. LOL! But I can guarantee it'll be something very cool. A mystery surprise.If you're interested in winning, just leave a comment on this post. If you don't have a blog for me to track back to, make sure you leave your email address. Maybe this will encourage some of those lurkers to pop out and say hello, too. I'll draw a name on Weds Oct 28th and post the winner and what the prize is the next day. Good luck!

** I figured out what the mystery prize is gonna be. It's still a secret... but I'll tell you that it's a brand new piece of jewelry. What girl doesn't like jewelry, right? And I'll also include something baby related if you have one, are waiting for one, or just want something to re-gift down the road. LOL!

Deja Vu *Update

*Update- I was still trying to decide if I was going to contact her about copying my blog. Even though I hold no copyright here, it still is a little aggravating when your thoughts are plagiarized. Had she not been right in the middle of her referral bliss, I certainly would have said something. But I didn't want to ruin her moment. It seems that I don't have to say a word...... because she's changed it. She must read here and saw this post. So I just want to publicly say thank you to her for changing it. There are no hard feelings. And congratulations on your referral. I hope you continue to blog because I'd love to follow your journey as you travel to get your daughter. :)


So I was drooling over all the new baby referral pics on Rumor Queen when I came across an interesting blog. It seemed VERY familiar to me. Very very familiar, in fact. Check it out here.

Interesting, no?

Here's the wording in her blog header.....
"Actually it's about eight thousand miles from Alabama To Guangzhou, China but it seems like a million. This is the story of my journey to China to adopt a precious baby girl. Somewhere halfway around the world....she waits for me to bring her home."

Here's the wording in my original 2006 blog header before I had the template custom designed by the amazing Danielle.....
"Actually it's a little less than eight thousand miles from D-----* to Guangzhou but it seems like a million. This is the story of my journey to China to adopt a baby girl as a single mom. Somewhere halfway around the world... she waits for me to bring her home."

Seriously?!

And for the record, her blog did start before mine. But I'm sure she's re-designed it since it's beginning. Because I can assure you these words and this blog title came straight outta my own head. I mean, really.... A Million Miles To Ansley?! What's catchy about that title?

Maybe "Acres And Acres To Ansley".
Or even something like "Across The Atmosphere To Ansley"?
Hey... it's the best I could do right off the top of my head. LOL! But it's still catchier than ripping off my title. And I'll have y'all know that I actually go0gled one of those "how many miles between cities" sites so that I was accurate on my 8,000 miles bit.
Geesh....

Well, I guess they say imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.
But I'm still a little perturbed by it all.

I will give her some credit for the cute kid though.....

* In my blogger virginity, I was naive enough to actually list the city I lived in right in the blog header. For everyone to see everyday as the first thing when they clicked on my blog. Yeah... it was my own personal invitation to all the serial killers, psychos and freaks to just show up on my doorstep. After awhile I realized that probably wasn't the smartest decision and removed it.

Lordy Lordy

Look who's LID is 40!
40 months that is.
Please China...
don't let it hit 50!

PS. My absence has been noted. Just have a lot on my plate right now.
Be back soon.

I Heart My Porch

Wanna see my new favorite spot in the house? Finally, right? I know, I know. You've all been dying to know which rug I chose. LOL! Well, for those who were wondering... here it is. I chose the one that looks like a wrought iron fence design. It's really very pretty and goes perfectly with the new chairs. The rug makes this space feel so much more like just another room in my house.... instead of "outside".I love sitting out here now. The chairs are so comfortable. The perfect spot for reading a book. I added a few new things to make the space even more relaxing. A little side table to hold my cocktail.Some candle light for those romantic evenings. I mean, who wants to have that bright glaring porch light on? Attracting moths to circle your head. Plus we all look way hotter in candle light, right? LOL! The blue tile in this votive holder matches my new mosaic house number plaque.Which I love love love! The pic doesn't even do it justice. It's really gorgeous. I found a wonderful artist on Etsy who custom made this plaque. I can't say enough great things about her! If anyone is interested, you can find Kristin's shop, Pear Tree Mosaics, through the link. She was so easy to work with and will design your plaque in the color of your choosing. Tell her Krista sent ya. It's a great investment and adds some major curb appeal.A new lemon leaf wreath for the front door. Fake, of course.But my flowers are real. And still hanging in there considering it's so late in the season.I'm kinda surprised I still have so much color. Even with the new blue theme I had to get some hot pink in there somehow. The rockers ended up over on the end of the porch. I just don't have a spot for them anywhere else and I didn't want to get rid of them. Luckily, there's just enough room for them to not be in the traffic path of the front door. And it'll be nice to have the extra seating when friends come by. Especially since Griffey has claimed this chair as his.

Sucky McSuck Fest

Pardon me while I whine.

It seems the "ruin my weekend" fairies are at it again. Last weekend I spent laid up on the couch with a pinched nerve in my back. Not sure how I did it but there I lay. I ended up taking Monday and Tuesday off work since I couldn't stand up straight until sometime mid-afternoon Tuesday. The only thing I achieved during my 4 days on the couch was an unhealthy addiction to "Real Housewives~of~Atlanta". The TV choices were slim and Brav0 had a marathon going.... what can I say? LOL!

Well, Saturday morning I woke up with a throat so swollen that my uvula was laying on my tongue. And yes... I had to look up the word for that little thing that hangs down between your tonsils.It's not a pleasant feeling. I've had to fight the urge to constantly gag over it. Lovely, no? Do you know that when I g0ogled for an image of "uvula" I found that there are people in the world who actually pierce theirs? Seriously. G0ogle it for yourself. I can't even imagine how a person could think a piece of metal constantly tickling the back of their throat sounds like a good idea. WTF?

I was awakened several times last night probably with some type of "my uvula is choking me" sleep apnea thing. And every time I woke up I realized that the mere act of swallowing my own saliva felt like someone had poured broken glass down my throat. Niiii-ce.

So yeah... the last 2 weekends have pretty much sucked for me. But it could always be worse, right? Not that I'm tempting fate or anything. Hopefully, things will be back to normal in a few days.

Deals Galore

Y'all know I love a good bargain. This is one of my new favorite cheap deal sites. It's called Bargain Hunting Moms. It's updated daily with new deals, sales, coupons, etc. They always have a TON of links to all different kinds of stuff. Vera-Bradley bags, restaurant coupons, clothes, Seph0ra make up, baby stuff, toys, magazines. You name it and I bet there's a link to a deal for one somewhere on this site. I even saw some .... ahem... Adam and Eve products on there the other day. Dude, I'm not linking to it. Just go0gle and you'll find out what it is. LOL!

Anyhoo.... about a month ago, I saw a link to a site that had this Br-itax car seat on sale. I've long coveted this seat. The reason should be obvious.
The Boulevard style is usually $309 everywhere you look. I got this ~the car seat of my dreams~ for $219!! No tax and free shipping. Score!!! And yes... this is my 2nd car seat for anyone keeping track. Mia's nanny (aka grandma) will be needing one, too. This beauty, however, will be residing in momma's back seat. :)

So anyone have any other favorite bargain hunting, coupon, cheap deal sites they want to share?

Projects Update

A few people have asked about the marshmallow shooters. I got them on sale at this site but I don't see the exact kind I bought anymore. These are the guns on a different site. However... if you go0gle "marshmallow shooter" you'll find them all over. The only complaint I had with the kind I bought was that the 4 yr old didn't have the strength to make the pump action work. So he got frustrated with it. Also the marshmallows start to gunk up and jam after awhile so the kids would have to pop off the end of the gun and either dig out sticky marshmallows with a stick or blow them out with their mouth. It didn't seem to slow them down much though and judging from what I saw last weekend they were a big hit with the kids.

I promised a project update for anyone who might be keeping track. Here's a couple things I completed in my 20 day blog hiatus. LOL!

I knew I wanted a P0tteryBarn-esque hot pink Williamsburg style chandelier for the nursery. But I didn't want to pay the inflated $199 PB price tag.I searched and searched for a chandelier that was a decent price. I looked on Craig$Li$t for the longest knowing that with one trusty can of spray paint I could make anything the color of my choosing. I finally gave up when I found one at an online discount lighting store for $50 with free shipping. I thought that was a fare price. Especially for a brand new one. If you look real close in the below pic, you'll also see a plate rack that got transformed from it's original white color. I have something really interesting planned for that.
The chandelier started out silver in color but is now a happy hot pink. I've still gotta buy some shades which will be re-covered in one of the fabrics used for the crib bedding. You'll see it again when it's all done and hanging in Mia's room. Whatcha think? $150 dollar savings! Can you tell the difference between mine and PB's? Gawd I love being thrifty!!By the way... when I went to pull the pic of the chandelier off the PB site for this blog post I saw that they've now marked them down to $49.99! Figures, right? They only have yellow or turquoise. But there's always spray paint! I just wish they'd been clearanced a little sooner. PB charges tax and their shipping charges are a little high... so I guess I can reassure myself with the knowledge that I still made out with the better deal. LOL!

I also spent several days ripping out the carpet in the nursery. All by myself. That job really sucked! I cut the carpet in 2 foot strips so it'd be easier to roll and handle. I still have some stuff in that room so I had to move it all to one side while I cut and ripped carpet, then the padding. Then I switched it to the other side and did it all again. What a pain in the ass that was...But I finally exposed the wood underneath. Then came pulling out the tack strips and what seemed like a gazillion staples.Until I was all finished. Yay! The wood is not a good enough quality to warrant the cost and work to re-finish it. It's too soft to be sanded and would have to be chemically treated to make it beautiful. So this weekend my brother-in-law is coming to lay a laminate over the top of it. More durable, much faster and easier to complete the floor project, and waaaay cheaper. I can't wait to see it all done!Actually I can't wait to see the whole danged room done!! Remember when I said it'd be finished by the end of summer? Well, I may have been a little off in my calculations. Kind of like the CC-AA.
;)

Sticky Combat

Unfortunately, marshmallow shooters are not some fun little cocktail. They're actually toy guns that use mini-marshmallows as ammunition.I'd bought four of them early in the summer and then forgotten to give them to the T's. Shame on me, I know.Since my mom was way outnumbered and calling for back-up during her 3 day babysitting stint while the T's parents were out of town, I figured now was a good time to unleash the weapons.The kids were entertained for a good hour.... or maybe even a little more. Which I would call a great success in this group of short attention spans. But it gets better.They played together. All of them. Wait.... let that soak in. All Of The T's Playing Together. From 12 yrs old down to 4. Seriously. I think this might be a first. And yes... Tanner is running around with no shirt and penguin pajama pants. A fashion statement, I guess? Tess just thought they were all crazy. Which they are. Notice the homemade sniper tower in the background. Somehow beach towels provided both protection from the marshmallow projectiles as well as good cover and concealment for surprise ambush.Quote of the day: "This is funner than video games!!!" ~ Tatum (1st grader)
I stopped and bought marshmallows on the way to the T's house. While standing in line at the checkout I saw Pop R0cks. Remember those? I hadn't seen them in forever. So I decided to pick some up to share with the younger generation.
They were a big hit. You can see the evidence on Travis' face. Stray Pop R0cks and marshmallow powder from eating his ammo. LOL! That's what I call a good time!The dog loved the game, too. She was like a bloodhound with her nose to the ground searching out stray marshmallows in the grass. Luckily, she only threw up once after the war had ended. Poor baby.

20 days later....

I'm still alive and kicking. Thanks to those who sent e-mails and made phone calls asking if I was okay. Didn't mean to worry anyone with my unexpected bloggy break. Life has just been ridiculous these last couple of weeks. Ridiculous good and ridiculous bad. But that's life, I guess. So how have I spent my time the last 20 days? Not blogging. That's apparent, right? LOL!

I've worked on a few projects. The nursery is coming along. Although slowly. I'll share that progress and some pics in another post later this week.

I've spent time with friends. A long time friend is back in town for awhile and has been around quite a bit. He's been out of state for a few years so it's been nice having him back. We've spent several cool, breezy nights sitting around the firepit or in my comfy new porch chairs, sipping cocktails and getting reacquainted. It's been exactly what I needed.

I've hit a snag with my I-600a renewal and that has taken some time to fix. They wanted my social worker to repeat things that were included in my homestudy because it was older than 6 mths. Even though she sent an update with my application stating basically "here's the homestudy which is good for 2 yrs in this state and NOTHING has changed with the info included." I've had to run around getting some new references, a new police background check, and some other crap so that my social worker can document what they want addressed. And they only gave me 30 days to get it back to them "or my application will be considered abandoned". Nice. I think they're just screwing with people who are still grandfathered under the old I-600a in the hopes that it will cause them to have to switch to the I-800a. I think USCIS wants to only have to deal with one form and one set of rules. Just my theory because my social worker said she has only one other I-600a family..... and they've had the same issues.

I finally got approval to have surgery for my on duty knee injury that happened last October. Way to be efficient worker's comp. Almost a year later..... but it should hopefully be resolved soon.

I also had to qualify last week with my firearm. Which normally causes me a bit of stress. Even though I know I can shoot there's something about being put front and center and made to perform for a score that puts a lot of pressure on a girl. LOL! Especially with the knee injury. This was a moving and shooting course that required several kneeling shots. I powered through it but not without feeling some pain. And my overall score suffered because of it. But as long as I passed I didn't really care at this point.

Work has been all consuming. Reading back through some recent posts, it seems to be a theme lately. But there are internal struggles going on within the department that has morale at an all time low. I love my job but the mood lately makes it hard to enjoy coming to work some days.

Usually I'm working many cases at once. Some I know as soon as I read the report that it's not solveable. Those I make a call to the victim but then set aside cuz there's just nothing to do on them. But sometimes I get a case that requires most of my focus and attention. The week before last was spent with one of those. I even made some extra money working overtime a couple nights as the investigation progressed. I know some of y'all like to hear my police stories so I'll post about it later this week.

But for today I'm heading out to spend some time with the T's. My sister and her husband went out of town for the weekend and my mom is babysitting. She just called for some back up. LOL! Plus it's way too gorgeous of a day to sit in front of this computer. So I'll catch up more a little later..... but definitely not 20 days later. :)

3 Word Sunday

A few weeks ago, a friend texted me out of the blue
and asked if I realized that Mia might already be born.
Or at the very least someone on this planet is pregnant with her.
That gave me goosebumps because I'd been feeling it lately, too.
Not just imagining it.
Not just rationalizing about the timing
because of guesses when a referral might come.
But truly a feeling.
Something within me telling me that she is here.
She is present on this Earth.
But I think she is still in the womb of a woman in China ....
who I think of often and pray for daily.
Only time will tell if I'm right.

* For how to participate in 3 word Sunday go here *

Months

Cake Is Gooooooood!

The aftermath....

I can hardly believe this day happened an entire year ago.
Happy 1st Birthday Tess!