Sunday, July 30, 2006

Why Single Motherhood?

I get asked this question sometimes. I'm sure that some women may intentionally choose this route. But I'd imagine the majority of us single moms-to-be didn't set out with this plan. I suppose I should only speak for myself though.

I've always hoped that someday my prince would come. And a few times I thought he had. Unfortunately, I found out I was wrong.

I was married once. Had a beautiful, fairy tale wedding. The wedding of my dreams, in fact. The marriage however....not so much. It seems my husband forgot one key element of what it means to be married. He forgot to stop dating. Other women. So that was that.

After my divorce, I decided that if I hit the age of 35 and had no prospects on the horizon, I'd pursue motherhood on my own. That seems to be the magic number for a lot of us for some reason. But for me, that was my cut off.

I fell in love again in the interim. But alas, that one was 10 years younger than I. Really silly idea, I guess. A lot of fun while it lasted though.

So this year I turned 34. With no prospects on the horizon. I realized that even if the perfect guy fell in my lap tomorrow (which he'd pretty much have to do since I'm making zero effort to look for him), it'd take far too long for me to make the determination that he was "The One".

I'm a lot older and wiser now. Not nearly as trusting as I used to be. And the older I get, the more determined I get that I won't settle for less than what I deserve. So I gave up the fairy tale.

Now don't get me wrong. I'm not saying I'm not open to Prince Charming if he should decide to appear. But I'm not waiting for him any longer.

The one thing I've known my entire life is that I wanted to be a mother someday. No woman should have to give up the dream of motherhood just because she hasn't been lucky enough to find a husband. And what if you really don't want one anyway?

I'm so grateful to live in a time where it's become acceptable to do this on my own. And I'm so glad I waited until I was a little older. I'm glad that I lived my life for so long without children.
Now I'm more patient, more appreciative, more settled and I know better.

I've lived out the selfishness of my twenties. I've had fun and been reckless. I've made my home. I've worked hard and been successful in my career. I've lived and I've learned. I've enjoyed my freedom. I've figured out who I am and what I want. And I'm ready now.

I'm ready for bedtime stories, bottles, first steps, sloppy sticky kisses, ponytails, special trips for ice cream cones, giggles and laughter, kissing scraped knees, training wheels, secret pinkie swears, soccer games or ballet ... or both, and hearing a beautiful little girl call me mommy.

I know it won't be easy. There are days that I'm scared. Will I do this right? Do I have enough money? Do I have enough energy? Can I really do this by myself?

But I know that I already love this little girl that I haven't even met. And I know that I'm ready to be her mother. With or without the prince.


Connie said...

'Gotta kiss a lot of frogs to find the prince' so it's said. I'm done smooching frogs before I get warts ;0) The only frogs I wan't these days are the ones I catch with my daughter. We can set them free together and smile!

Well put, Krista.

Joannah said...

Me, too!

Debra Sue said...

Awesome story. I admire women who take a stand like you have. Stay strong and you'll be a great mom.

Ouch about the ex - what a jerk! I won't say sorry, because it sounds like you're better off. It's his loss.


Ruby Cate said...

You'll do just fine... and the whole prince thing? Overrated... besides, you save money on advil since you won't have HALF as many headaches. *grin*

Trust me, Ruby & I are SO a team of TWO and we are perfectly happy this way. We have 'popcorn dates' and 'pretend tea parties complete with sound effects'... dress up 'BEAR' time, and tickle fest fridays! It's amazing how much you'll wonder why you ever were able to live without all these magical moments once they arrive, that honestly you won't worry hardly at all about the prince, because truth be told... not all soulmates come in the form of a man... but rather a short, cute Asian beauty who will forever call you Momma & steal your heart.


-Amy & Ruby Cate

Eliza2006 said...

Awww what a nice post! Thanks for sharing!

Tiffany said...

I'm an aquarius too. And I too dated a man 10 years younger in my 30'.s but I married him. I was 39 and he 39. He was my prince. We now have two beautiful little girls adopted from China. Twins. When you least expect it he will fall in your lap. That's how it happened for me. I admire a woman who sets out to make her dreams come true. Please keep posting....


Dayngr said...

What an amazing post! I'm rooting for you to have it all. The princess and the prince!

This Wonderful Life said...

Congratulations on your referral! I'm a single mom of two daughters born in China. They're amazing, delightful girls and I can't imagine being happier. I, too, thought I'd get married some day, but it never happened. And I'm more than OK with that now:)

Anonymous said...

I too am a single mom and waiting for #2 with LID June 28th, 2006. I hope for referral in July! Your daughter is beautiful and I can totally appreciate how you must be feeling!!! I too was looking for Mr. Right, but didn't find him. I so enjoy my 8yr old and am awaiting second daughter. My first i from Jiangxi also.