Thursday, March 31, 2011

News Soon? *** Update

I have a friend logged in the same day as me who has been told by her agency that a package is enroute from China. They're not expecting anything except REFERRALS! It's scheduled to arrive tomorrow.

There is also a small rumor on another website that referrals will go through at least June 15th.

I'm trying to wait until at least 10am before I start calling my coordinator to fish for info. But it's been difficult watching the seconds tick by on the clock.

Could it be my turn? Could I be getting a call in the next few days?

On the agenda today.... charge the camcorder, figure out a place to set it up to record my call if I happen to be home alone and print out my list of questions since my brain will most certainly turn to mush as soon at the phone rings.

Oh my gawd.. my stomach is flip flopping. Deep breaths, Krista. Deep breaths. You can't answer the phone if you're passed out on the floor. LOL!

Although because my agency insists on translating everything BEFORE they call you I don't expect my call until a couple days after the rest of the internet starts getting their calls. So I still don't think I'll hear anything until next week.

But I think it's safe to say that after more than five years of waiting....I'm probably within a week of seeing Mia's face!!!

At 10:01am I called my coordinator. She then called my facilitator who is still in China. Thankfully he answered, even with the 12 hour time difference. Glad I didn't wait until later to call for info!

He's expected back on Monday with the referrals!!

He'll be in the office on Tuesday. Then they'll translate everything. So I should expect my call next week! Probably Wednesday...maybe Thursday.

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Bathtub Baby

Today is our bathtub baby's 6th birthday. It's hard to believe that slippery little sucker is now an opinionated kindergardner. His favorite things are monster trucks, Legos and irritating his siblings. He has this obnoxious laugh that sounds just like Burt from Sesame Street. It constantly cracks me and his mother up. His brain works in a way that I don't always understand but keeps us on our toes as evidenced by this crazy conversation. But he also has an irrestible charm and has on occasion sweet talked me into spending the night without any other siblings attached....which is a hugely big deal when you're part of a set of 5. He still runs down the stairs and knocks me over with a hug every time I come to visit. Every single time. I adore him .... as I do all my nieces and nephews.

Happy 6th Birthday Teagan!!
Teagan and Braeden

Easily the most popular story I ever tell is the one of how he made his very unique entrance into the world. So if you wanna chuckle again or if you've never heard it go here to understand why he's our bathtub baby.

Saturday, March 26, 2011

Goodbye Grandma

My grandmother would have been 102 years old in June. No, that's not a typo. She was born in 1909. Over a century ago. I remember as a teenager wearing those button up granny style boots. (It was the 80's, people. They were fashionable then.) And grandma telling me how she used to wear the same kind of shoes to school as a child. She was a tough old girl. The matriarch of our clan. Wilma was her name. We lost her last night.

My dad is the youngest of 5 children. There's an 8 year gap between he and his next oldest brother. So he was definitely the baby of the family. And we were the baby's children. We might have been spoiled by our grandma just a little. At least our older cousins think so. :)
This photo was taken at her 100th birthday celebration. My dad, me, my brother and my sister's branch of the family tree.

Our grandparents used to live in a big old Victorian house that had been turned into a funeral home. Kind of gruesome, right? But when you're a kid it was pretty dang cool. They lived on the upper floors. The main floor was the area where the viewings were held. And the basement... well, we didn't go there. That was the creepy place. My grandparents were the caretakers. They worked well into their 80's. I come from good stock.

I have great memories of that place. We were allowed to run around and play on the main floor since there was so much open area. Occasionally, there would be a room set up for a viewing the next day. We were given strict instructions not to go in that room. But, of course, that just intrigued us even more. I can still remember all the "I dare you" and "double dare you" talk amongst the three of us.

A few times I took that dare. Sneaking into the room, tiptoeing up to the casket, and peeking over the edge while the other two cowered in the doorway. Then running with all my might in case the poor dead person reached out and grabbed me or something. Yes.. somewhat twisted but we were little kids at the time. And it was our idea of fun. Don't judge. LOL!

My grandfather had a huge collection of miniature circus collectibles. Really cool stuff. Most of it we weren't allowed to touch. But there were a few things we could play with. That "circus room" was the first room you'd enter after climbing the stairs to their floor. I still remember how exciting climbing those stairs would feel. Cuz grandma and grandpa's house was a happy place for us.

On Christmas day, the whole family was expected to make an appearance at their house. Those days were magical. There were a lot of us in those rooms. Kids running around, lots of talking and laughing, enjoying good food. I remember my grandma would always make buckeyes. I still to this day think of her when I see one. And these little sausage, cheese appetizer things on cocktail bread. We only ever got those on Christmas at Grandma's house. I used to make myself sick eating them.

Finally it would come time to open our presents. Our grandparents always managed to get all of us a little something. And that was no easy feat. Remember, they had 5 kids...who all had kids. And some of those kids had kids. My brother, sister and I overlap with the next generation. So my grandparents had grandkids and great grandkids the same age. We had to open the presents in order of youngest to oldest. Some years the same thing would be the gift for several of us so we'd all open at the same time. Those were fun times. I miss that.

She fell and badly broke her arm right before my wedding day. That arm was all black and blue. But instead of letting it get in her way she just took the matching scarf off her dress and tied it like a sling around that arm. It became a fashion statement. Perseverance and strength. That was my grandma. She was definitely the glue that held this family together. We lost my grandfather in early 2000. He and my grandmother had been together since they were 13 yrs old. I wondered then if she could continue without him.

But she was a fiesty old broad and she kept on trucking. Eventually she got a small apartment. I remember going to visit her. She proudly displayed a photo of me in my police uniform and showed it to anyone who came...the mailman, her neighbors, even the meals on wheels delivery guy said "I've heard a lot about you" when I was there one day during his delivery. It was a little embarrassing but it made my heart happy to know how she bragged.

When she ended up in the nursing home it was the same thing. I went to visit and the staff already knew I was the police officer. It was sweet. But then her memory started to leave her. In the end, she didn't even recognize my dad anymore. That was sad. To see her body so strong and fighting but her mind gone.

I know she's in a better place now. She's finally back with my grandfather. Most of my aunts are there waiting for her too. And even though we really lost her several years ago, it still hurts my heart knowing that she's gone. A selfish part of me kept praying she'd hang on to meet my daughter. I know neither she nor Mia would have comprehended it. But it would have been special for me to have that moment and a photo of them together to hang on to. I have to let that go now. But it still hurts knowing how close we were to getting there....Rest in peace, Grandma. You showed me what a strong woman looked like. Through watching you I learned to be tough. I have nothing but wonderful, happy memories of the woman you were. I will love you and miss you always.

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Bedroom Re-do... Again

So what happens when you try to keep yourself busy over 5 years of waiting for a baby? For me...I re-decorate. A lot. This is the third bedroom overhaul since 2006. The room has been completely transformed from floor to ceiling. But this my favorite! And a keeper. It's not changing again. Well, maybe when Mia goes off to college. LOL!
I know some of you are probably surprised by the classy understated look considering how colorful the rest of my house is. I wanted something more grown up and sophisticated this time.
The wall color is called "Milk Chocolate". I thought that was kind of appropriate for a chubby girl whose always on a diet. LOL!
Here's a before pic of the former bedroom decor. Well, at least from the second re-do anyway. That off center window always bugged me. Notice how in the above photo it appears the window has grown? It hasn't. Just using a design trick I've seen on the decorating shows. See? You really thought I had a giant window back there, didn't ya?
And going way back into the time machine to's what it looked like then. Big difference in all three, right?
I decided to keep the patterns minimal and play more with the texture. There's the basket weave of the ceiling fan, blinds and chair. The lamp shades are actually burlap. The fabric framing the headboard is a waffle knit. And there are some sweater pillows on the bed.

Another before shot....
Sorry... I didn't feel like ironing the pillowcases. Although they clearly need it. Love these cute little side tables. I went with a round shape since there was so much square furniture in the room. I think it breaks it up nicely.
My mom is making another long decorative pillow for the bed out of the black curtain fabric. The same fabric will be used to recover the cushion on the chair. She again contributed to the room by sewing all the window treatments. And made sure to point out to me that she has now created the curtains for Thanks Mom!

I'm still waiting on a bench that's being upholstered for the end of the bed. It'll be the same burlap as the lamp shades.
Maybe I mentioned here the fabulous armoire I found on Craigslist. Gorgeous. Can y'all believe I only paid 50 bucks for it? I can hardly believe it myself.
But I just really wanted it to be black. So you know me... out came the paint.
With a little hard work I now have a gorgeous new piece to house my TV. For $50!! What a great find!!! I didn't realize until I was uploading these photos but it seems I've put the drawer pulls on upside down. I think I like it better this way. Maybe.
I spray painted the hardware with a nice metallic to match the new furniture. My sister saw the new bedroom today and had no idea it wasn't all from a matching set.
Here's another look back at 2006 with all the pine furniture, pink carpet, wood trim and doors and lovely floral stenciling. I guess you could say my tastes have changed a little over the last 5 yrs.
Doesn't even look like the same room....

I love love love my new bedroom! The carpet is luxurious. The colors are peaceful. The bed is so incredibly comfortable. I love falling asleep here every night and waking up each glorious morning.
Now...on to the next project.

Saturday, March 19, 2011

2 Weeks???

The first rumor about the next batch was spotted on the internet on Thursday. China was preparing to match. Generally speaking, we can expect referrals to land in the United States about 2 weeks after this first rumor. But the question still was... will Mia be in this batch? Or will the cut off date be June 13th .... missing me by one day?

My facilitator personally travels to China to hand carry the referrals for our agency back to the Unites States. He's just very hands on that way. Last night, I got a call from my agency coordinator. She said the facilitator is leaving for China soon..... to get the referrals.

Our agency only has one LID group for the month of June. Mine! So the only referrals he'd be getting are for the June 14th people!!

She said I should expect a call in about 2 weeks!!!! Maybe the last couple days of March or the first few of April.

OMG! Could this really be happening?

Monday, March 14, 2011

Will I see Mia's face before I get to the 58th LID-versary?

Saturday, March 12, 2011

More Than Halfway

Saturday is my weigh in day. Today ends week 7 on Medifast.
I'm down 26 lbs.
Added to the 25 lbs I lost pre-Medifast that totals
51 lbs
gone off my ass!!!!
Yay me!!!

Thursday, March 10, 2011

So I'm Not Completely Nuts....

Thanks for all the comments on my last post. At least I feel a little more normal now.

I'm not worried that I won't feel love for her. Immediately. I already do. Love for the idea of her anyway. I think that will only grow when she is real, when I see her and hold her.

I'm not afraid. Although I'm sure the fear will settle in at some point in the next few weeks. But right now I'm ready. Not ready for the packing, the plane ride, the jet lag, the craziness of the trip. But I'm so ready to just be Mia's mom.

A little freaked out by what that really means...yes. Knowing full well my life is about to change dramatically. Forever. I know so many things I take for granted will vanish. At least for awhile. But it's okay. I'm ready to let those things go ...for all the great and wonderful new things that are waiting.

I'm just numb. I think I should be feeling excitement right now. But I'm not really. I'm completely closed off from the emotion of it all. Indifferent. Ignoring it probably. Not purposely...but as a coping mechanism, I'd imagine. Maybe I'm just too afraid to believe it yet.

Tracy mentioned how she couldn't say her daughter's name until she finally held her in her arms. It's funny because I realized I do the same thing. I even had a conversation about it with my brother last weekend. I very rarely call her Mia. Usually when I speak of her I say "the baby". Just another layer of protection. I know that's all it is.

So for now I'll finish redecorating the master bedroom. Then move onto finishing the halfway done spare bedroom. I'm sure I'll have another project lined up after that to help me stay disconnected from my impending referral.

And when my head is ready...and my heart agrees.... the emotions will come. My guess is they will start to rise to the surface as soon as we start hearing some rumors about matching.

So thanks again for the reassurance. I may need y'all to talk me off the ledge again soon. We'll see. LOL!

Tuesday, March 08, 2011


I feel like something is wrong with me.

There are moments when I think of what is about to happen and my insides literally quiver with excitement. Moments when I feel like my heart will burst open with the love I already feel for this unknown little girl waiting somewhere in the world for me. Moments when I know without a doubt I'm ready to dive head first into motherhood.

But those moments are few and fleeting. There are a lot more moments when I still feel completely disconnected. Like I'm in a state of denial. I can't fully engage with this process. Lately, I've been more worried about getting the new curtains hung in my master bedroom or picking the perfect lamp ....instead of what I feel like I should be doing. Which is preparing to see my daughter's face in just a few short weeks.

Maybe it's just another way to try to protect my heart. After 5 long years of disappointment, you get used to expecting the worst, used to being let down, used to lowering your expectations again and again. So maybe.... subconsciously.... that's what my brain is doing.

But it's pissing me off. I feel like I should be more focused. Like I should be doing something... anything... to get ready for this. There are a million things I need to do. I think. But I can't really figure out what those things are right now.

I just feel really, really out of sorts. And I don't know what to do about it. Hopefully, as the days continue to pass and I move closer to the end of the month, I'll start to relax into the reality that there is a baby for me and she's coming very soon. Instead of feeling like I'm still stuck in the quicksand of this endless wait.

Friday, March 04, 2011

Stroller Suggestions?

People are starting to ask me if I've registered somewhere for all the baby "stuff". I haven't yet. I was waiting until after referral so I know how old she is. But this got me thinking..... I really have no idea where to even begin. So let's talk strollers. Ya gotta start somewhere. That seems like a good jumping off point.

I'm looking for something rugged enough to take exercise type walks in the neighborhood and on the local bike path. Maybe I might even jog someday. Hey...a girl can dream, right? It could happen. LOL!

I like the idea of the whole parent organization thing... a tray for your stuff and a cup holder. But I know you can also buy add on things for your stroller to accomplish that. I'd like something the same for Mia. Maybe a little snack tray/cup holder thing. And I want some storage underneath.

I need something not too gigantic since I drive a little Toyota Rav4. And not too complicated to fold up since I'll be dealing with baby and stroller all by myself 95% of the time. I'd really really love a reversible seat so that she can face me when she's younger.

I'm not opposed to having 2 strollers either. Maybe something more lightweight for the mall and another jogger type when I need something more rugged for things like a trip to the zoo.

So what are your suggestions, peeps? I need to do some stroller research.