Thanks for all the comments on my last post. At least I feel a little more normal now.
I'm not worried that I won't feel love for her. Immediately. I already do. Love for the idea of her anyway. I think that will only grow when she is real, when I see her and hold her.
I'm not afraid. Although I'm sure the fear will settle in at some point in the next few weeks. But right now I'm ready. Not ready for the packing, the plane ride, the jet lag, the craziness of the trip. But I'm so ready to just be Mia's mom.
A little freaked out by what that really means...yes. Knowing full well my life is about to change dramatically. Forever. I know so many things I take for granted will vanish. At least for awhile. But it's okay. I'm ready to let those things go ...for all the great and wonderful new things that are waiting.
I'm just numb. I think I should be feeling excitement right now. But I'm not really. I'm completely closed off from the emotion of it all. Indifferent. Ignoring it probably. Not purposely...but as a coping mechanism, I'd imagine. Maybe I'm just too afraid to believe it yet.
Tracy mentioned how she couldn't say her daughter's name until she finally held her in her arms. It's funny because I realized I do the same thing. I even had a conversation about it with my brother last weekend. I very rarely call her Mia. Usually when I speak of her I say "the baby". Just another layer of protection. I know that's all it is.
So for now I'll finish redecorating the master bedroom. Then move onto finishing the halfway done spare bedroom. I'm sure I'll have another project lined up after that to help me stay disconnected from my impending referral.
And when my head is ready...and my heart agrees.... the emotions will come. My guess is they will start to rise to the surface as soon as we start hearing some rumors about matching.
So thanks again for the reassurance. I may need y'all to talk me off the ledge again soon. We'll see. LOL!