Thursday, December 31, 2009

Goodbye 2009!

May this finally be the one...

Friday, December 25, 2009

Merry Christmas Mia

As has now become tradition, I'm again sharing my favorite "waiting for my daughter" Christmas song by Third Day.

I spent some time this evening... the fourth Christmas Eve since my daughter was born in my heart... and let myself imagine what this holiday will be like when she's finally home where she belongs. Those dreams are nice. But the reality is hard. I pray this is the last Christmas spent without her. There's a mommy, grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins all waiting for her to take her place within this family. We've waited so long for her. Please God ....let next Christmas be different. Next Christmas I want to cry myself to sleep with happy tears instead.

Wednesday, December 23, 2009


I'm interrupting my self imposed bloggy break to document a significant event that happened over the weekend. (Don't worry... I'll be back after the holidays. I just needed to clear my head a bit.)

About the time Tess turned one, she started a phase of "I no longer like Aunt Krista". Call it separation anxiety or whatever other term you want. But the fact was... I couldn't even look at her without causing her bottom lip to quiver. Seriously. I'm talking crocodile tears if I got too close. Or tried to talk to her. And gawd forbid if I touched her. No way! There was no holding her during that time. Especially if mom and dad were anywhere within a 50 yard radius. Forget it. She hated me.
I don't recall ever experiencing this with any of the other T's. I secured my "coolest most super awesome fun aunt in the world" title immediately amongst this rest of this group. I mean they battle over who gets to sit next to me at the table. They beg to spend the night at my house. Seriously... I'm a fan favorite in the T's household. Except for that littlest one. She was having no part of it. I was at a loss for how to fix this situation. So I just took my time and stood back.

But on Sunday, while over at the T's house for our annual Christmas cookie making, something shifted in her. Just as I always do to gauge her reaction.... I held my arms out to her in the universal sign of "come here baby I want to pick you up". Usually she looks at me like I'm crazy and goes to hide behind a parent or sibling. But not this time!! She paused, sized me up and took a step TOWARDS me. What? I was baffled. Then in a shocking reversal she actually lifted her arms to me to communicate in the universal baby signal of "hey pick me up". So I did. There were no tears. None. No writhing and squirming as she reached out for a parent to save her as before. Nope. She actually let me hold her. A breakthrough!!Later in the evening, just to see if maybe that was a one time fluke... I tried again. I reached down for her Even Though Her Mother Stood Right Next To Her. I thought "she's never going to go for this with mom in the same room". But she did!! Not only did she let me pick her up... but I got Kisses And Hugs, too!! I was so excited. Maybe the spell has finally been broken. We shall see.

But I just had to document this so when she's older and can't imagine me as anything but "the coolest most super awesome fun aunt in the world" like the rest of them... I will remind her that there were about 4 months of her young life when she wouldn't give me the time of day. LOL!

Happy 7th Birthday Tatum!

I love you bunches!

Monday, December 14, 2009

Wednesday, December 02, 2009


In spite of the hurt this long wait for my daughter has created, it's also been a blessing on some levels. It's allowed me the time to work a second job while I scrimped and saved money to pay off my adoption debt. The money is there now. So to show my appreciation for the peace of mind that bank account brings me, I've decided to pay it forward by committing to a monthly donation... instead of just a little here and there as I normally do.

I was moved by this message and made a decision to invest in the future of young girls. There are many programs to donate to within this organization. But since my heart belongs to a particular part of the world, I chose this charity. Project GLOW stands for Giving Leadership Opportunities to young Women. Because of it, girls ages 10-18 in the Yi ethnic group in rural China are able to attend an innovative new school, free of charge, that educates them in traditional subjects as well as teaching them vocational skills so they can later earn a living.

I've also committed to fully sponsor a child through my favorite charity, Half the Sky. Half the Sky offers the love and concern of family for thousands of orphaned children in China who have lost theirs. They provide individual nurture and stimulation for babies, innovative preschools that encourage an early love of learning, personalized learning opportunities for older children, and loving — and most important, permanent — foster homes for children whose special needs will keep them from being adopted.

If you have the ability, there are many places in the world that need help. Please do your part.