Saturday, December 09, 2006

Not What I Wanted To Hear

I've been busy this week so haven't spent a lot of time on the computer. To say that I was shocked this morning when I went to catch up with the Rumor Queen would be an understatement. For those of you who don't know, this is the site that keeps us updated with what's coming out of the CCAA. Some of it is just rumors, hence the name, but a lot of it is true. She has a lot of inside contacts in the China adoption world.

Apparently the CCAA had a big meeting this week. The first bad news is that they're saying there are twice as many dossiers than paper-ready babies. So the wait is not expected to shorten. In fact, it may stretch longer. Which we always knew was a possibility but now there is more confirmation of that. Some agencies with summer '06 LID's are saying to expect an 18 month wait. I really hope that doesn't happen because that would push me into 2008 before Mia is home. But here's the kicker. They came out with some new regulations. Honestly, I didn't even read through them all because the first one knocked the wind right out of me. NO MORE SINGLES. The new regulations don't go into effect until May 1st, 2007. Anyone logged in before that is okay. So don't panic, Mia is still on the way.

But unfortunately, she will not have a little Chinese sister. Which breaks my heart. More than anything I want a sister for Mia. It's not even that I want to have two kids. I mean, I do ...but it's more about wanting a sister for HER. My sister is so important to me and I can't imagine having grown up without her. We drove each other crazy sometimes as kids but now we're best friends. I want this for Mia. I don't want her to be alone in this world after I'm gone. I'm not even sure if I could do it financially but I at least wanted to have the possibility. Now no more. Sure she could have a sister from a different country. That's still a possibility. But I wanted her to have a Chinese sister. Someone else in this family that looked like her and could share her heritage and culture. This was my dream. And now it's been stolen. I can't stop crying.

However, this is another sign that there was a bigger plan for me. If I had stayed on my original timeline, I would have missed the cut off date. (Remember this.) China adoption would not even be a possibility for me at all. Which would have broken my heart even more. I know there are other countries and other ways to build a family but my heart has always been in China. So thank you God for pushing me down this road even though I thought I wasn't ready. This is obviously where I am supposed to be. Thank you.

15 comments:

Anonymous said...

I'm feeling the same way, sweetie!

Jeff and Michelle said...

I am sorry to hear this. I can imagine what you are feeling. Know that there is a bigger plan, and someday when you do get her little sister from somewhere, it will all make sense.

Michelle

K. said...

Years from now when you look back, it will all have worked out just the way it was meant to. I know this is small consolation now, but I really believe this.

xo
Kerrie

Donna said...

You're so fortunate to have your dossier in for Mia. But I know how you feel about the sister...I had always thought someday I'd go back, but it's not going to happen now...

Lee-Anne said...

Wow, Krista, what a kick in the guts, eh? I haven't read RQ since the last referrals came in... I was all sad, that so few days were included.
Now, please don't get offended, but... there's a REALLY good chance, you won't be single forever. Hence, baby sister for Mia. Fate/God/Karma/Good energy... what ever you believe in, has it all in control.
PS. RQ, has DEFINITELY been wrong before, so lets just wait and see how things pan out?!!
Meanwhile (((hugs))) to you
Lee-Anne
PPS love the new penguin decorations! You are a genius!

wzgirl said...

Are we EVER going to get any good news from the CCAA?

Jennifer "Jenny" said...

I feel like a doll that the CCAA is pushing pins in!

Anonymous said...

This "rumor" seems to have a little more weight than some of the previous ones I have heard. I'm not sure how it is going to work for me since I am in the waiting child program (Canada) and now our dossiers don't go to China until we are matched. I'm hoping to have a referral by May 1st but who knows . . .

Anonymous said...

Learning to accept the No's is always hard. Thank God for the Yes's!

Mommy-To-Channing said...

I too feel the same way. There is NO WAY Channing will be my only child. But I may have to give up the China dream for adoption #2, but that doesnt mean I will have to give up on a sister for Channing...maybe Vietnam???

Jill and Jaap said...

I still believe wholeheartedly that rule could change down the road. I love what someone said about "thank god for the yes's". So true.

Anonymous said...

Krista,
I'm, so sorry that things have come to this and so sorry that you have been affected. It simply doesn't make sense and I wish there was something we could all do to chnage the situation. My heart is breaking for you, sweet friend.

Mom aka Grandma said...

Krista, rules change and change again, who can say what the rules will be in a few years when you are ready for little sister? Don't let yourself be depressed about something that may not happen...or may happen and then change again. Things have worked out well so far, there will always be options. LOVE YOU!!!

Anonymous said...

I understand how you are feeling. We really think we want a sister for Hannah, but truth be told..I am not sure I can go thru this again...thats a selfish thing to say, I would do it and anything for Hannah... "sigh"... things can change as they always do. There is always Vietnam and Korea... But I totally understand the China connection.

Leda said...

I started this journey in Ukraine, and Ukraine suddenly closed to adoption...it is scheduled to reopen in Jan (and yes, they accept singles) but anyway, I couldn't imagine adopting anywhere but from there. I was a little heartbroken...I had a vision in my head of this little blonde girl, and as you said, my heart was there. Now that they are reopening everyone was like, "Oh do you wish you have waited?! You can still switch countries..." etc. etc.

Now I look at the little asian girls and can't imagine a vision of anyone else as my daughter!! Keep an open mind and heart, you may find a different path to Mia's sister.

Good Luck!