There's a rumor floating around today that the CC_AA is suspending all referrals and travel approvals for 20-30 days in response to the swine flu outbreak. They'll re-evaluate the situation then. Even though it's technically still a rumor... there are several Canadian and Spanish adoption agencies who have already received notification from the CC-AA. So why would this not apply to all agencies worldwide, right? I'm sure it'll officially be confirmed for the rest of us tomorrow or within the next couple days.
Hopefully this won't affect my timeline in the long run. When they shut down during the S.ARS outbreak they continued the matching process. Once they opened up again they just referred several big batches to get back on pace. So in theory, even though we won't see a May batch... we should see a double batch in June to make up for the missed one in May.
But we never really know what's going to happen with this process. That's what's killing me today. The uncertainty. Will this last 20-30 days? Or much longer? How strong do I have to be to get through this adoption process? How many obstacles will be thrown in my path? Why is this choice that I made in how to become a mother so damn hard... when others have it so easy? I know this is all a test. I know it is. And I know I'll be stronger in the end. A better mother. I'll love my daughter a million times more than I thought possible because of all I've endured to find her. My rational brain knows all of this. But right now in this moment my emotional heart thinks it all just really sucks.
And my heart is breaking for those who already have their child's picture in hand and will be delayed longer in bringing them home. That thought hurts me... so I can only imagine what it's doing to them. I'm so very very sorry for my girls who are suffering tonight. You know where to find me if you need me, ladies.
So today I can't be positive. Today I need to feel sorry for myself and sorry for my friends. Today I need to have this little pity party and wallow in it awhile. Just today.
I've managed to somehow hold it together thru my 12+ hrs of work... just barely. I'm counting the minutes until 8:30pm when I'll head home, make myself a cocktail, and have a good cry. Then tomorrow... I'll move on. Like I always do. We all will.