We'll all heard some of the dumb ass names that celebrities pick for their children, right? I'm not even gonna run down the list cuz we all know them. But it might surprise some of you to know just how many stupid names I've heard in my line of work. No .... I mean every day people with really stupid, like was your mother high, what the hell were your parents thinking kind of names. So I've decided I need to share some. Go ahead school teachers, nurses and midwives and throw yours out there, too. Cuz I know you've also heard some doozies.
A recent suspect in a crime was D'alcap0ne Alpaccin0. First and middle name. Were his parents watching "Scar-face" when he was conceived? How could he possibly become a productive member of society with that name? He was doomed from the start.
How about the siblings named Pizza, Apple and Frenchfrie? No... I'm not kidding. But wait... it gets better. They're pronounced more French sounding their mother says. So let me try to explain it phonetically. Pizza is not pronounced peet-zah. Try it as Pi-zay. Apple is actually Ah-pell. And Frenchfrie is Fraun-say-free-ay. Totally true story.
These are actually nicknames but just as funny. Two of my suspects in a case once were brothers Tylen0l and Baked Bean. When I went to BB's house to pick him up, he'd just left. I'd asked for him by his nickname when I'd knocked on the door. His auntie said I should be able to catch him cuz he couldn't of gotten far. I asked her what he looked like and I swear on everything sacred in my life she said "Well, he looks like .... uhhh... welllll... like a baked bean." It took everything I had not to pee my pants right then and there. When I finally got a hold of him and questioned him, I asked how his brother got to be known as Tylen0l. He said cuz the teachers in school always said he was a "headache". I couldn't make this kind of stuff up even if I tried. And yeah... the kid really did look like a baked bean. LOL!
You've all heard the urban legend about a mom who named her twins Lemonjello and Orangejello, I'm sure. Pronounced Leh-mawn-je-lo and Or-awn-je-lo. But I'm here to testify to the fact that they really do exist and live in our city's 5th district.
There's a local thief named Jesus-Christ-Superstar. Ironic, huh? But in all fairness to his mother, I believe he legally changed his name to that one.
Another set of brothers named Da'Baddest and Da'Meanest. I may be spelling those wrong. Can't remember. But that's how they're pronounced. A school teacher friend of mine gave me that one. It should be quite obvious that she said they were little assholes in the classroom. How could they not be? They had to live up to their name. LOL!
All of the above is totally and completely true. Real people and their real names. I might make this a series of posts cuz there are a TON more and they're hysterical. Who are some of the crazy named people you know? But don't give me urban legends. We've all heard those. I'm talking real live (or dead) people that you know or someone credible actually knows of. Those are the ones I want to hear.