In A Mood

As I'm out on the front porch watering my flowers this evening, I see this little lady hanging around. Maybe she'll bring some better luck tomorrow cuz this week has kinda sucked. Maybe it's a sign. Maybe I'll get my referral soon. LMAO most sarcastically.
I spoke to my 21 yr old goddaughter on Sunday. We hadn't spoken in more than a year.... which has been par for the course the older she's gotten. She caught me up on all the news with her family. Most of it was truly disappointing. The news of her brother (my godson and my namesake) broke a little piece of my heart. The path his life has taken is one that completely contradicts with mine. The more I've looked into the situation this week, the more my head just can't really process it. No... I take that back. My head can understand why things ended up this way. But it hurts my heart. Bad.

And it brought on a major case of guilt. Guilt that maybe I should've been there more for them these last 5 years or so. I separated myself from their mother because I just couldn't deal with the drama and dysfunction. I tried to still be available for the kids but it became increasingly difficult. Especially as they became teenagers and weren't as pro-active in maintaining contact with me. Now that drama and dysfunction has clearly marked every one of their lives in a negative way. And it makes me feel like I should have done more. I need to figure out a way to let that go.

I'm upset with my sister. She knows why. Quite frankly my feelings are pretty hurt. She knows why. I don't really understand the dysfunction within my own family most days either. And I really hate being lied to. Guess there should be no surprise as to why I have trust issues.

The jackasses in my neighborhood have already started with the firecrackers. Which sets my dog off on the most annoying, barking, pacing, general freaking out rampage. I really hate it. And July 4th is still 9 f*cking days away.

The job has been killer this week. I'm so far behind on paperwork at this point it's ridiculous. I hate when it gets this way. It's overwhelming. I'll dig out sooner or later. At least until I'm back to a more normal level of work that needs to be done. I'll always have an open case load. Always. I'll never have one day where every complaint will be closed. Just the nature of the job. Constant and steady. But I really hate when I get this far in the hole. Things start to slip through the cracks..... and in my job, they shouldn't.

I started out this morning by stubbing my toe on the bathroom wall. Because I'm a clumsy idiot apparently. I mean, it's not like that wall hasn't been there for the last 12 years I've lived in this house. I ripped it open pretty good and it bled all over for a few minutes. I thought I'd broken it... but as of right now I think it's just sore. Oh and then I started my period. TMI? Sorry. Told you it's been a crappy week.

I heard Farrah-Fawcett and Michael-Jackson both died today. I watched her special last month and was very moved by her battle with cancer. And no matter how anyone feels about MJ's later in life eccentricities and his unacceptable relations with young children... he still was a major part of my tween/teen years. Just feels weird that he's gone at such a young age. And Farrah was part of that same era of pop culture. I idolized her flippy hair and loved loved loved Charlie's-Angels. Wanted to be just like them when I grew up. Uh... wait a minute.... ;)

But I did have a little laugh as I pulled the ladybug pic off my camera. I found this one from when Maryellen and Sophie were in town. It's actually a business in Cincinnati that's sole function is doing paternity tests. Catchy name, eh? Is that not hilarious? But what does that say about where our society has gone? That a business can survive and profit from men who don't trust their woman is only having sex with them and women who have had sex with so many men in about a 28 day cycle they're not even sure which dude it could be. Ridiculous. I especially like the "Who's the Daddy" slogan on the door though.
PS. It just occurred to me that I'm clearing suffering from major PMS. But I'm thinking you may have already picked up on that. LOL!