Gone Too Soon....

There's so much irony in life. Just a half hour ago I was texting a couple of good friends, making jokes, in a happy place with them. And then just as quickly.... a little piece of my heart broke. I just found out my friend and co-worker, Phil, passed away a few hours ago.

I'm very sad. My eyes hurt from crying. I feel a little numb. In shock, I guess. I just saw him at work about 3 weeks ago. He had just been diagnosed with Cancer the day before I saw him. 3 weeks ago. 3 weeks! I can't even believe how fast that disgusting, horrible, hateful disease took him. I hate Cancer! I hate it.

Today is another reminder of just how short life is. Another lesson to appreciate the good in our lives. Because you never know when it will be taken away. Count your blessings. Love your friends and family. Be happy in this moment because there might not be another one.

The world lost a good man today. I will miss his smile. I will miss his conversation. I will miss his encouragement. I will miss his advice on how to be a better detective. I will miss him. Rest in peace, Phil. My prayers are with your family tonight.

Happy Birthday Teagan!

If you don't know the story of how he made his entrance into this world, it's totally worth reading.
Hard to believe that crazy day was 4 years ago!
My sister also has a sweet little tribute for him on her blog if you'd like to check it out.
Happy Birthday Teag!

Dusting Off The Nursery

I've started clearing out and organizing the room that shall be the nursery. It's slow going because it had become the junk room over the last 3 yrs. But at least I'm making some progress. I've already given my sister a bunch of clothes I no longer want. They just weren't my taste anymore. Is it kinda pathetic that my 7 mth old niece is getting hand-me-downs from my daughter who isn't even born yet? Just seems all backwards to me. But technically Mia (or at least the plan to bring her home) came before Tess was even a twinkle in her daddy's eye. LOL!

I've changed a lot of the original ideas I had for the nursery. Guess I should be thankful I really didn't start it 2 yrs ago like I'd wanted. See... sometimes there is a positive to being such a procrastinator. Originally I was going to do these bookcases around one of the windows. Except I wasn't going to pay the outrageous Pottery-Barn price. I have a very talented furniture building friend who had agreed to make it for a 1/4 of the cost.
But the more time I've spent in the room lately, I've decided that's not going to work so well. The window I'd planned to build this around isn't centered on the wall. And the closet door would have opened right up against one side of this. So I've scrapped that idea. Instead I'm going to have my friend make this. The pic shows four bins with baskets across the bottom but I'm just gonna do three. So mine will have the two end cabinets and the cubbie in the middle. I have one solid wall this piece will work on. I figured since I have a smaller house I need as much extra storage as possible. This is a better choice for that than the other bookcases. I like the idea of being able to shut toys and things behind those closed cabinet doors, too.

Later this evening I'm heading out to pick this up. It's a $40 Craig'sList find that I plan to paint white. I'll change out the knob for something cuter, too. I plan to use it as a small side table for the upholstered rocker I have my eye on. A little work to clean it up beats paying Pottery-Barn's $150 price tag for the one below. Can you see much difference? I can't..... except for the satisfaction I'll have in knowing I saved over a hundred bucks on mine. :)Some of the fabrics for the bedding are now different, too. Those who have followed my blog for a long time may remember the old header. It was the main fabric I was going to use in the nursery. I also sent it out as my quilt wish squares. Remember?It's been disqualified. It's a beautiful fabric and I do love it. But I'm just tired of looking at it. So the new bedding and window treatments will be made from this........This is so totally ME!! I love love love the colors and anyone whose seen my living room/dining room should know how much I adore damask. I can't wait to see it all put together. It'll be a couple months before the sewing is done. So we'll just have to be patient. But it's gonna be gorgeous. I just know it.

I'm hoping to have the nursery completed by summer. Uhmmm okay... maybe mid-summer. The key word in that sentence is hoping. Remember it did take me over a year to complete my bedroom makeover. Alright.... by the end of summer by the latest. It WILL be done by then. For sure. I hope. :)

Thursday... But Actually My Friday

I'm off work for a 3 day weekend. Woo Hoo! Last Sunday it was my turn in the rotation to work. So in exchange I get the following Friday off. Hence the 3 day weekend. Did I say woo hoo already? LOL!

I'm especially happy today is over with because it was "Qualification Day". Some of you may have heard me bitch about this day before. It comes a few times a year and when it does I have to shoot my gun for a passing score. Or else I won't be a police officer anymore. Now... I'm a good shot. Don't mistake that. But when it comes to test day... I get nervous. And I was really nervous this go 'round cuz of my knee issues. Part of the course requires shooting while on your knees. I wasn't sure I'd be able to do that. I had to shoot 2 fifty round courses plus a shotgun relay. I muscled through it and got a passing score. Not a great passing score. But this time... I don't care. I'm happy with it. One less stress-causing issue off the table. Yay!

In addition to the root canal of a couple weeks ago, the dentist saw a cavity that needed filled. I also needed a filling in the root canal tooth after the root canal was finished. But the specialist can't do a filling. WTF? For all the money I dropped on that and he can't do a freakin' filling when I'm already there in his office all numbed up? Whatever. So on Tuesday I had to go back to the dentist. I swear I've dropped about a grand on my teeth this month. Between the braces I had put on at age 24 and all the damn dental work that's followed.... my mouth is worth a small fortune. Too bad the bank doesn't consider that collateral when ya need a loan, right? So guess what? I had my fillings done with NO NOVOCAINE. Yes I'm a BAD AZZ! But in all fairness.... the root canal tooth was already dead and the cavity in the other tooth was very small. But still.... no freakin' novocaine, people. I still think I'm a bad ass. LOL!

I never should have mentioned that stupid game on Facebook. You know.... Mafia Wars. Remember? I'm now addicted to it. And it truly is a stupid waste of time. I'm just not sure why I keep playing it. Every day. Sometimes more than once a day. I need help. :P

Totally off topic here (like this post isn't already jumping all over the place, right?) but why does asparagus make your pee smell funny? Anybody know? Of course, I had asparagus this week. Which is why I'm asking.

I'm loving Idol! They have some seriously talented people this season! It's gonna be hard to start voting folks off. So my faves are Adam and Danny. Adam is a bit strange. But there's something about him I'm digging. And Danny? Oh... just loved him from the very first audition. Matt is awesome, too. For the girls, I like Allison and Lil. But I think even as fabulous a singer as Lil is... she's slipping. Not sure why she hasn't found her groove lately. I also like Kris Allen. I don't think he'll make it to the top but I see a record deal in his future. I like Anoop and Michael but they're not gonna win this either. See? Lots of talent this season! I'm over Megan. Yes she's cute and quirky and could probably make music I'd listen to (in a kind of Alanis Morrisette, Corrine Bailey Rae, Sara Bareilles vibe). But I don't think she belongs amongst this group on that stage. And as much as I love Scott... I don't see him lasting much longer either.

And on one last note.....
Sea star, (or should I say Simply T) Pug mama, Ava's mom, Lisa W.......
I think I know why there are no rumors yet. LOL!

Fallen Heroes

I'm very saddened by the tragic shooting deaths of four Oakland police officers. Our department has also experienced in the line of duty deaths. Fortunately, not for several years. It's a horribly difficult situation for a community to get through. It will be especially hard in Oakland as they grieve the loss of not just one officer... but four brave men who made the ultimate sacrifice. Even though we all work for different departments, in different cities, in different states..... law enforcement is a family. These losses are felt by us all. My thoughts and prayers go out to their families, their city, and their brothers and sisters in blue.

The Thin Blue Line

There is a line
the color of the sky
on a clear afternoon

There is a line
the hue of the ocean
on a bright sunny day

There is a line
the purest shade of a newborn's eyes
awakening for the first time

There is a line
that protects us from harm
in all we do
whether day or night

There is a line
no one can penetrate
no one can alleviate

There is a line
made of those who choose
to follow a calling many do not hear
and still more do not comprehend

They choose to walk
the path of fear, hate, and mistrust
taken by so few
but marked by so many

And when one leaves this line
they leave a legacy
but the line does not break
for the remaining must still protect

There may be emptiness
a loss, or sadness
but never a hole

Not in this line

This line that holds
the ghosts of the souls who have gone
and the souls of the ghosts who remain
The Thin Blue Line

Author Unknown

A Week? WTF?!

Yep a week has passed with no blogging for me. Not sure how that happened. Maybe I just wasn't feeling it. Maybe I just didn't have anything worthwhile to say. Whatever the case may be I'll give y'all some bullet updates. Not like there's really anything all that interesting going on in my life to need an update. But here goes....

• Still trying to work out the knee issues. I had a follow up with my doc on Wednesday. Well, actually I only saw his "assistant" cuz it takes a month to get an appt to see him. He seems to be pretty popular, I guess. Anyway... I explained the dilemma, showed her the paperwork in which their office asked for BWC to approve a surgery but failed to list the correct reason for that surgery and how because of that "miscommunication" it has red flagged my file, caused me all kinds of grief with BWC and resulted in me being forced to hire an attorney to straighten it out. I didn't want to say "error" or "somebody here effed this up" cuz I need them to fix this ASAP. So I'm trying to play nice. For now. She seemed to agree and promised to try to help get it resolved. She was actually super nice... which I so totally appreciated.
  
• She called me the next day to say she'd reviewed the situation with the doc and he's going to do some follow up paperwork for BWC with some better, more detailed explanations of what the problem is with my knee, how I injured it doing what I said I did (not a pre-existing condition) and why I need surgery to fix it so I can perform my job more effectively. Hallelujer!! Do you know the doc normally CHARGES about $1000 just to do that kind of paperwork? Seriously. (I'm clearly in the wrong line of work cuz I do freakin' paperwork all day long!) But thanks to my skilled communication techniques and powers of deductive reasoning I was able to convince the asst to convince the doc that he needed to do this for me FREE since they screwed it up in the first place. Thank gawd he agreed. I mean... we all know that'd be the right and fair thing to do. But we also know that doctors, paperwork and bureaucracy never seem to play fair or logically. So I was afraid I was gonna get even more screwed... but it looks like I may be okay. We shall see. Depends how BWC responds to whatever he writes.
  
• There was an early rumor over at RQ that she's hearing cut off dates ranging from March 9th to the 14th for the April batch. I hesitate to jump on the rollercoaster because of so many let downs. But since I've prepared my heart for the worst case scenario of only having March 7th referred in the next batch... this rumor made my heart skip a beat. The 14th.... I'm not even buying that. But if we could even just get to the 9th! OMG! OMG! OMG! Some of my real life friends (as opposed to my fake blogger life? what does that even mean?) Sea Star, Pug Mama and Ava's Mom would get referrals together. I can't even take it. That'd be such good news! But I'm really trying to be guarded here. It's not working, is it?
• As usual, I'm a little late to the game but I finally added a "Followers" button to my sidebar. So now you can click there and keep track of me that way. Bloglines has been disappointing me lately. It's been very slow to update ... like 3 days later I'm seeing new posts. And some blogs it's chosen to just not update at all anymore for some reason. I'm over it. I think I'll just try this other way to keep track of folks. With this followers thing, that I've finally begun to explore (procrastinator here, remember?) I've found some new blogs I had no idea even read mine. So hiya, new peeps! Or perhaps you've been here all along but are just new to me? LOL! Anyway, add me. Especially if you read here but maybe think I don't already follow your blog. Cuz I love finding new blogs.
• Speaking of finally getting on board with something everyone else in the world is doing... how about this Facebook? I'm digging it. But it still confuses me. Can someone more experienced than I please explain WTF is the deal with this "Mafia Wars" thing? How do you do it? And why does everyone want me to join their mafia? Seriously. I don't get it. Heather... I see you do it. Quick easy explanation please? Anyone, anyone? LOL!
• I'm getting back on track with my attempts at dieting. I don't even want to tell you how much weight I've gained the last 3 yrs since starting this adoption. Can you say stress eater? I mean we've all heard of baby weight. But I'm ADOPTING, for cripessakes! While at work last week I was close by when a shooting call came out so I stopped in. It turned into a double homicide which brought out the media. I tried like hell to avoid the cameras but they got me. I saw my fat arse on TV. Nothing like seeing yourself on the 6 o'clock news..... walking in slow motion no less.... to give you a big ole dose of reality. I don't think I can get away with saying the camera adds 50 lbs. Holy shit.... it was bad! I'm trying to hold on to that visual every time I want to put something wrong in my mouth. Let's hope that motivation lasts. LOL!
• On a last more serious note..... my friend and co-worker, Phil.... the nicest guy in the world, is in a very difficult battle for his life against stage 4 cancer. And my Aunt Norma is back in the hospital undergoing some procedures to hopefully improve her quality of life and get her in a better place. But any kind of surgery for her is risky at this point. So if you're the praying kind.... maybe send a few their way.
  

Welcome Home!

Those of you who know PIPO are aware that she's a low key kind of girl. So it took some convincing but she finally agreed to allow a small group of local girls to meet her at the airport to welcome her home. As long as there was no big pomp and circumstance (good thing we decided against that marching band idea) and we all had to pinkie swear that we'd say our hellos, give hugs, hold up our signs and then leave her the hell alone. LOL! Unfortunately, because of the hour of her arrival, it turned out only Robin and I could make it. But Sandra and Stacy were there in spirit.Her hour of arrival turned out to be even later than we thought. Once we got to the airport we saw on the board that her freakin' flight had been cancelled!! Even though both Robin and I had checked before leaving for the airport and it said all was okay. In fact, I checked while enroute there cuz my mom has one of those fancy schmancy internet phones. But that apparently doesn't mean anything cuz the flight was scrubbed for mechanical issues and was now arriving 2 hours later. We decided since we'd made the trip we might as well wait. So we headed out to dinner to kill the time.Maddy was a trooper! That kid hung with us all night. She's so easy going and laid back. She entertained us in the car with her version of "Wheels on the Bus" and "Jesus loves me... soap". I said it was Maddy's own interpretation. LOL! Anyway, my point is that this little girl is a dream! She rolls with the punches and goes with the flow even at such a late hour. She has the best personality. So polite, well behaved and smart as a whip. CCAA... can you send me one just like her, please? I'm just saying...
So after we grabbed a bite to eat, we headed back to the airport, signs at the ready, waiting for the arrival.Finally, we caught a glimpse of them staggering up the walkway on hour 30 of their travel day.The poor gang was a little worse for wear but very happy to finally be home. PIPO gave me some advice and told me that no matter what anybody else tells me.... the travel part is HELL. Duly noted, girlfriend. I believe ya. LOL!But look at that face. She makes it all worth it. And even after 30 hours of hell, being puked on, snotted on and smelling a little rank (sorry C.. we still love ya though. LOL!) PIPO had that "new mommy I'm-in-love" glow. That was beautiful to see. Dreams really do come true... if we just wait long enough. :)PIPA gave me a big cheesy grin when she saw that camera. She's a supermodel for sure.Here's a few more pics. The whole reason why everybody is reading today, right? Just to see that gorgeous girl. I don't blame ya. She's even more scrumptious in real life.Welcome home to the little chicken wing and her very happy mama! I can't wait to visit and hear all about your trip once you get all settled in. Is tomorrow too soon? Just kidding!Take it easy, relax, get rested and enjoy these first few days with each other at home. Call if you need anything. I love you both.... Auntie K.

Depressing Post Ahead

You've been warned. This is NOT a feel good post. I'm having some trouble finding my happy place this week. I have way too much on my mind. And when I worry and stress, I eat.... which has resulted in about 6 additional pounds since returning from paradise. Then I beat myself up for it .... which increases my stress and worry. I was doing pretty good with my new year's resolution diet (you know, the one I wasn't publicly talking about since I failed so miserably at it last year). So I'm pissed I've let myself start down that slippery slope. Again. It's a really great dysfunctional cycle to be stuck in.

I called in sick to work yesterday with a horrible toothache. It's been going on for about a month but I've been ignoring it. Cuz nothing good ever comes from a toothache. Well, there's no more ignoring it when it hurts so freakin' bad I can't sleep at night. And I was right that it wasn't good. I have a root canal scheduled for tomorrow. At a cost of $685 (yes that's after insurance pays their piddly little part). At least I have some Vico-din to get me through until it's taken care of.

Oh and by the way..... the last root canal I had caused me to have a big, freak out, crying melt down, panic attack in the dentist's chair. Apparently, I have some PTSD issues from the whole almost dying incident. So when the dentist shot novocaine into the roof of my mouth it felt like it had swollen. Which it hadn't ..... but we all know how that novocaine feels, right? When he laid me back in the chair I felt like my airway was blocked (it wasn't, of course) and I thought I couldn't breathe (I could, of course). But I think I started having some subconscious memory of the ventilator. I felt the freak out coming..... but I was still trying to maintain. It didn't work. When the dentist bent over me with that mask over his mouth and pulled that giant medical light down like some kind of torture device... I lost it. Luckily, after some explanation of my medical history the dentist realized I wasn't a crazy person. Or at least, not a certifiable crazy person anyway. LOL! It was just not a good day for me. And I get to do it all again tomorrow.

Speaking of freaking out over medical procedures..... I also need surgery on my knee. I think I mentioned here that I injured it back in October. I've known since December that I need surgery. I'm just trying really hard to not think about what that actually means. Cuz I think I'll need some good Vali-um just to get me INTO the hospital to do the procedure. The ortho surgeon said "It's not that big a deal. It's a simple outpatient surgery where I just poke a few holes in your knee." It was all very deja vu. Cuz my gallbladder surgeon said almost Those Exact Same Words. And we all know how that ended up......

I feel a major freak out coming on knee surgery day. But I'm blocking it out right now.

I don't know when surgery day is gonna be. Cuz not only do I have to stress about the actual procedure but now I'm fighting Worker's Comp over it (cuz I hurt it at work). It's just a totally FUBAR situation. The surgeon's office didn't fill out the paperwork right in the first place. They didn't request the surgery for the actual condition/injury I have. They left it off the paperwork entirely and only mentioned some secondary non-surgical diagnosis. WTF? How do you even do that? How do you say I need surgery but then forget to say why? So needless to say.... everything is being delayed while Worker's Comp schedules hearings and the surgeon's office tries to correct the paperwork. In the meantime, I've had to hire an attorney to help me navigate this very confusing process. I'm not a happy camper.

Unfortunately, I really need the surgery sooner rather than later. I've been able to suck it up and deal so far. But there are some limits and two things I can't do are squatting down or kneeling on the bad knee. I basically can't put weight on it when it's bent. Which are all things I have to do when I qualify with my firearm. If I can't qualify.... well, let's just say nothing good will come of it cuz there's no such thing as an unarmed police officer. Guess what time of year it is right now? Yep, it's qualification time. I'm gonna try to fight my way through it and hope for the best. But I'm majorly stressed. Anyone have a cupcake? No wait... that's not helping, is it? :P

On top of all that, my mom lost her job. (Sorry, mom. I know you read the blog. You should skip this paragraph.) I'm really worried about that. This is a horrible economy. At a time when she should be planning for retirement, she's basically starting over. I don't know what the future holds here and I'm really scared for her. That's all I can say.... cuz I know my mom didn't stop reading this paragraph like I told her to.... and I don't want to upset her any more.

But all the stresses in my life right now pale in comparison to the worries of the world. Especially when I found out yesterday that a well liked, well respected co-worker with a wife and young kids has stage 4 cancer. I haven't quite wrapped my head around this news just yet. But it certainly makes me realize my problems don't really matter that much. I need to take a deep breath and understand that all of my issues will be resolved and over with at some point. And I'm grateful for that. Stage 4 cancer puts everything into perspective, doesn't it?

No Energy To Blog Tonight

Instead I leave you with an important piece of advice.......

Happy Friday!

This Will Make You Laugh

While at my sister's house this weekend, Teagan, Tatum and I spent some time on the computer looking at a map of the United States. I'd point out a state and say the name. Teagan would repeat every single one in his cute little 3 yr old voice. He learned one in particular right away. Every time I'd point to it, he'd say the name. Or at least his interpretation of the name.

Click here to watch the video. Then come back over. But make sure you pause the music in the sidebar so you can hear it. Go on.... I'll wait for you. It's totally worth it.

Twiddling thumbs, twiddling thumbs, twiddling thumbs.

Oh you're back. Now you have to admit. That was funny stuff, wasn't it? No matter how many times I told him it was Utah.... he would say Me-tah. And by the way, you can hear Tatum who was completely focused on Salt Lake City. It was marked on the map with a star. She can't read yet but she knew it started with the letter S. LOL!

Dreams Really Do Come True

Congratulations Pipo!!!
You're a mommy!

This day was a long time coming. But today a much wished for dream came true. It makes me so incredibly happy to see that beautiful girl finally in your arms.