Friday, December 24, 2010

The Last Christmas


Dear Mia
Five Christmas seasons have passed since I started my journey to you. I thought this one would be easier knowing it was definitely the last without you. But it's not. It may be the hardest yet. Tonight it's Christmas Eve. Which means it's already Christmas morning in China. And all I can think about is the fact that you are here on this earth, somewhere in this world. You are real and you exist. I just don't know you yet.

I wonder who you are.... and where you are. Are you in the orphanage? Or someone's home? I pray that wherever you are ....someone there loves you. I pray there is someone there to hold you, rock you, comfort you. I pray that you are safe and warm and fed.
That's all I want for Christmas.

Next year everything will be different. For both of us. And even though it will be hard at first, I promise it'll be okay. Some day you'll love me as much as I already love you.
Merry Christmas Mia... I can't wait to meet you.
Love Mommy

17 comments:

Kim said...

Ok.. I am crying.. I sooo cannot wait for Mia to be in your arms.. and next Christmas you won't have to play this.. I have this set to play in the morning for Miss Isabella and I am on Christmas #4.. but I know one day I won't have to play this either..
Hugz to you and God Bless..you know she will be here next Christmas..
Love ya..

dawn said...

Me too, I'm crying.
It will be magical next year, for both of you.
This year is well, just Christmas but next year will be everything you have ever dreamed of.

HuluMama said...

That last verse will finally true for us next Christmas. Our daughters will be home.

Briana's Mom said...

This is so beautiful. Next Christmas will be so amazing and magical. You have so much to look forward too. Hugs to you!

Beeb said...

beautiful post. I so look forward to the day Mia is in you arms. Everything changes.
Merry Christmas

Traci said...

Your daughter will love this letter.

a Tonggu Momma said...

Beautiful. And it felt So Good knowing that this is the very last Christmas without mei mei. I told my family we aren't traveling next Christmas because - duh - we'll have a toddler and it stinks waking up in someone else's bed on Christmas. But the only thing worse than THAT is having no other children to share Christmas with. Next year? The Tongginator will have someone to share it with. So we ain't driving. And it felt so good to know that.

Carla said...

Aww, Krista. I so wish Mia could have been home this Christmas, but knowing she'll be here very soon is the next best thing.

Beth said...

Last Christmas I was where you are now. It was the hardest of the wait. I echo everything you said. The magic will come back next year.

Kristy said...

K, I know the pain you feel, and I also know how irritating it can be for people to tell you that once Mia is home all the pain will go away. I can remember how I felt when I would hear those things before Franceska came home, and I also know that you don't really know me and you have no reason to listen to me, and I know that I have 7 kids and 5 grandchildren now, but what you probably dont know about me is that I have never been pregnant not even one time, God gave me all of my children and I have done my fair share of waiting but Krista can I please let you know that next year when you have Mia in your arms there will be ten times the tears because you will feel complete happiness. The time you have waited will just melt away because you will realize that if it had happended any sooner it wouldnt be HER the baby in your arms , so hold on just a little longer she is coming.....

Love and blessings, Kristy

Kayce said...

You were in my thoughts so much yesterday and I was praying that the day was a little easier knowing it was the last Christmas without your Mia. I'm sorry it was a tough one.
Our Christmas last year was tough but in a different way...we knew who Jenny was but were SO sad that she was not with us and we had no clue when we'd be able to travel to get her then. Your wait is almost done...and soon you will be home with your girl and the happiness will be overwhelming. HUGS and more hugs to you!! OH and because of you I'm completely addicted to RQ again!! :)

Michal said...

My heart just ached when I read this. I cried too. Big, hot tears of grief for you. This last Christmas is hard. the hardest holiday ever. I know, I have been there twice. Albeit my wait was never the all out, heart wrenching day eating wait that yours has been.....
Hang on.
Hold on.
She's coming...
And when you get her? Well, then a bright future full of fun and love and all things good will be right there waiting on you both.

Jen & Bill said...

krista,

what a beautiful post.

Buckeyes & Eggrolls said...

Soon... it'll be here before you know it. So excited that this WILL be the year for you! - Finally!!!

Erica said...

this song makes me cry every time. Congratulations on your last Christmas as party of 1. Next year will be amazing!

Catherine said...

This year Krista....this year!!! So happy for you! Next Christmas will be unlike any other and you'll quickly wonder what life was like before sweet Mia was in your arms. Cannot wait to celebrate your referral with you!

Susie said...

Krista,

This is exactly how we feel too! Not too long now and you will see your daughters face...and it will be beautiful.

P.S. I have to post this on my blog as well. Hope you don't mind.