Tuesday, December 14, 2010

54 Months Later...

And still no end in sight. Still no word from CCAA about referrals for December. Although there are now rumors circulating they're gonna skip this month. My hopes of a January referral are gone. Then with Chinese New Year the first week of February.... I'm starting to think it may be March before I hear something.

So today marks 54 months since China logged in my dossier. That's four and a half years people! January will actually be FIVE YEARS since I started this process. Five flippin' years of my life. Who could've ever imagined I'd still be stuck here. This is insane. Absolutely ridiculous. How can an international adoption program string people along for 5+ years? It's just not right to run a program that way.

Please don't tell me how China doesn't owe me a child, that there are no guarantees in IA, that there aren't enough paper ready babies, blah blah blah. I'm well aware of all that. Please don't tell me how worth it she'll be. I get that. Please don't tell me about God's plan. Cuz I don't wanna hear about it. Don't tell me everything happens for a reason. I don't care right now. And certainly don't tell me how long you waited...if it was less than 54 months...cuz I might just punch you in the face.

Sorry. But today I just need to be pissed off. Cuz I'm sick of this shit. So feel free to vent away with me. Tell me how much this sucks. I'm in total agreement. But don't try to paint rainbows and sunshine for me. I'll just bulldoze right on over them.

Today I'm ANGRY! Tomorrow I'll put my happy face back on.

25 comments:

GGHadden said...

YEA! what she said!

Kate said...

Oh hey...listen...it's good you get all the things you mentioned...but I don't think anyone can argue with the unfairness or it, or the suckiness of it. It IS wrong...and I get it all too. Especially rough at this time of year. I am sorry that the last part of your journey has not gotten any easier than any other part.

dawn said...

It's total bullpoo.

Kim said...

It is ok to be angry... tomorrow will be one more day closer to your girl.
Big Hugz..
Keep smiling she will be in your arms soon..

Briana's Mom said...

It sucks. Period.

Sounds like a "drown yourself in margaritas (or maybe something stronger) day" to me.

Christina said...

If there were a "like" button (like on facebook), I'd click it!

I'm pissed off, too. But because they don't allow singles any more :(

I'm hoping that all you LID folks get some referrals soon!!!

Julie said...

It stinks! Vent away!

Rhonda said...

It totally blows. I get it.

Sue said...

Rant, vent, scream, cry. All warrented.

Nicole said...

Well said. Thanks for putting in to words what I know most of us Junies are feeling.

Kayce said...

I went to RQ today to check in and saw her post and thought of you...I said a few bad words than a prayer. I got tons and tons and tons of hugs for you and I know those don't answer your wishes right now but I've got em! Rant away and scream your lungs out...we're here to listen!

Carla said...

You can be mad all you want to be. It's absolutely ridiculous that you've had to wait this long for her. And yeah, she will be totally worth it, but she would have been worth if after 36 months, or 24 months or......

Half Gaelic, Half Garlic! said...

All I can say is, I am sorry....and I know it completely stinks. Just hang in there and do not lose sight of the end. You will get there and you will have that beautiful baby in your arms VERY VERY SOON!!!

Thinking of you and all of my friends still waiting this holiday season~

xoxo,

Lisa

Shannon said...

You have every right to be angry. The wait is beyond ridiculous.
This morning RQ quotes thru the 29th perhaps next week. Barely a dent and still hoping the arrival is true. So sad. Thinking of you.

Miche said...

I am so sorry; I really thought you would have a Jan. referral too :( Big Boo on their program.

kitchu said...

i don't mean to smile reading this, but i am... because i know what's on the other side of that 5 years... and yes, i waited just over that amount.

i'd say hang in there but that would be asking for a sucker punch.

get through. just get through. PEACE like you've never known is coming. and lots of joy too.

Sean and Mic said...

It totally sucks. If I was in your shoes, I would be beyond beside myself. I always hated when people would tell me that the wait would be over soon and that it would be worth it (it was- but still was not helpful at the time).

I say go buy something for Mia or yourself (if retail therapy works for you), have a drink, maybe dinner out- and just let your emotions flow. You completely deserve it!

shelley said...

It really sucks the hind tit.

Anonymous said...

It really is ok to be pissed off about the wait. No one could have guessed back 5 years that so many people would still be waiting to build/complete their families. My heart breaks for all of you, the years that have slipped by without the hugs of a little one. I hope the remaining months pass as painlessly as possible.

Susan and Kate
Riverview FL

HuluMama said...

The wait sucks. IT SUCKS. Didn't understand how hard it gets the closer we get to referral. And to have to deal with another holiday...


What I will say is do something nice for yourself. Massage, pedicure, and believe it or not acupuncture helps at least for a day or two. Of course I think sledge hammer and something to destroy might help even more. 54 months is too long.

Tanya said...

Good grief! You have every right to be frustrated with the wait. I looked into international adoption... a little more than 5 years ago but ultimately decided to try domestic adoption and TTC before going that route. I can't even imagine how hard it must be to still be waiting for your daughter.

Abby's Mom said...

Just don't see how anyone benefits with this dang slow down! Come on C*aa speed the heck up! (HUGS)

Emily said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Emily said...

QUOTE Please don't tell me how China doesn't owe me a child, that there are no guarantees in IA, that there aren't enough paper ready babies, blah blah blah. I'm well aware of all that. Please don't tell me how worth it she'll be. I get that. Please don't tell me about God's plan. Cuz I don't wanna hear about it. Don't tell me everything happens for a reason. I don't care right now. And certainly don't tell me how long you waited...if it was less than 54 months...cuz I might just punch you in the face.....Sorry. But today I just need to be pissed off. Cuz I'm sick of this shit....END QUOTE

YOU READ MY MIND! I too have been waiting since 06 (June 20, LID).....so thanks for putting your frustration out there....if one more person says, "things happen for a reason..." I am going to go balistic. This needs to happen for me NOW!!!

Jen said...

I have to tell you...I was thinking of you the other night as I sat at rehearsal listening to a gentleman tell another woman at rehearsal about his IA to adopt a little girl from China. He has a lovely wife and 2 other kids. And I listened to him say how quick their adoption process was and it made me more angry than anything! He talked about how "easy it is" and how "There are just children over there waiting" and I wanted to scream and shout and say BUT WHAT ABOUT PEOPLE WHO WAIT YEARS AND YEARS!!!!!!!!!!!! GRRRRR!!!!

however, in response to your newer post where you said you should be "next next" That was one of the happiest things I read all day!!!!