And still no end in sight. Still no word from CCAA about referrals for December. Although there are now rumors circulating they're gonna skip this month. My hopes of a January referral are gone. Then with Chinese New Year the first week of February.... I'm starting to think it may be March before I hear something.
So today marks 54 months since China logged in my dossier. That's four and a half years people! January will actually be FIVE YEARS since I started this process. Five flippin' years of my life. Who could've ever imagined I'd still be stuck here. This is insane. Absolutely ridiculous. How can an international adoption program string people along for 5+ years? It's just not right to run a program that way.
Please don't tell me how China doesn't owe me a child, that there are no guarantees in IA, that there aren't enough paper ready babies, blah blah blah. I'm well aware of all that. Please don't tell me how worth it she'll be. I get that. Please don't tell me about God's plan. Cuz I don't wanna hear about it. Don't tell me everything happens for a reason. I don't care right now. And certainly don't tell me how long you waited...if it was less than 54 months...cuz I might just punch you in the face.
Sorry. But today I just need to be pissed off. Cuz I'm sick of this shit. So feel free to vent away with me. Tell me how much this sucks. I'm in total agreement. But don't try to paint rainbows and sunshine for me. I'll just bulldoze right on over them.
Today I'm ANGRY! Tomorrow I'll put my happy face back on.