The Real Deal

I've sufficiently recovered from my new year's eve hangover now and I wasn't going to get any more involved in this drama since the blog in question has now been deleted. But it's late and I can't sleep. And I feel like there's a point to be made here.

Some of you may have noticed some stuff floating around about a "fake blogger". Here's the real deal. I started following this particular blog. But the more I read, the more I realized that something just didn't seem right. I'm a detective by profession, after all. It's in my nature to be observant and intuitive. And suspicious when I get that kind of vibe. So I started digging around. Then I alerted some of my homegirls in order to get their opinions about what they thought. And they started digging. The more digging that was done, the more dishonesty we uncovered.

And it was really ridiculous things to be dishonest about. This person pulled images off the web and incorporated stories of her life around them. Now don't get me wrong. We ALL "borrow" web images sometimes to make a point or illustrate a story. But to "borrow" an image and say, for example, that it's your nursery, your front door, your parent's house, what you ate for Thanksgiving, the bruise you got on your leg, the pumpkins your family carved, the Christmas tree your cousin decorated for you, etc, etc. etc when the pics belong to other people or other websites is just .... I don't know.... a little strange, to say the least. And wrong.

This bothered me because other people were following this blog and buying into all of it when it was all so obviously untrue. People were "praying" for this blogger and offering her support. And it just upset me that they were being made fools of. I don't like to be lied to. Do you?

So some comments started being made on her blog basically calling her out on the dishonesty. So she turned off the anon comment option. And then set it to moderate all the comments when the accusations again came but this time with names attached. Then she put her blog "under construction" and re-worked it. She changed the template, profile pic and removed all of her archives. I was fine with that.

But then she posted that someone had threatened her through an e-mail even going so far as to quote her address to her. And that just pissed me off because it was a blatant lie. She said "it was scary stuff" and claimed it was the reason for removing her archives. But then she continued her blog with the same URL, same blog name, same profile name and even replaced her "fake" profile pic with one that appeared to be her AND her children. Now does that make sense to any one of you? Cuz it didn't to me. If someone directly threatened me AND knew where I lived.... I think I'd be shutting down my blog. That she thought any of us were stupid enough to believe this story was beyond me. It was a complete insult to the intelligence of anyone reading her blog.

At that point, I think many of us that were "on to her" felt like she had gone too far. Heather took it upon herself to start a blog basically "outing" this blogger. The basic point being that she was dishonest and that people needed to be aware of it so as to protect themselves from falling victim to it. There are many, many examples on this new blog proving that point. You can also go to G0ogle Reader and add www.carefulwisher.blogspot.com into your subscription. It'll show all of the archives even though she's now deleted the entire thing in an attempt to destroy the evidence so to speak. So judge for yourself.

Melissa...
yes this whole thing is "ridiculous" but no it's not "too much like high school". It was kind of ironic that you said "I never knew there was a Blog Police Squad who takes it upon themselves to rid the Blog World of evil!" since that IS what I do for a living. But I didn't call you evil. Those are your words.

I know that you feel like this is a witch hunt and I'm truly sorry for that. But it's not. It's just a group of caring people trying to protect other caring people. I can't speak for others... but I'm not out to personally hurt you in any way. This isn't some unwarranted personal attack on you. We don't even know "you". Although, I know you ARE being hurt by it. Again, I'm sorry for that.

I do, however, take deep offense to someone who so completely represents themselves as something they're not. I just couldn't, in good conscience, let you continue to deceive people within this blogging community that I like and respect. You've been so dishonest on your blog that I'm not even sure if you are "Melissa". At this point, it's hard to believe anything you say.

I'm not sure what the point of all of it was. Especially since you say you "would never do anything to intentionally hurt anyone". I hope you understand now that is exactly what you've done. In the China adoption community, we tend to get emotionally invested in each other's stories.... more so than most internet connections. So betrayal definitely damages that bond.

I hope you're able to come to terms with all of this and learn from your mistakes. Integrity is everything. Especially in this "blogging" forum where we don't have the luxury of knowing each other in real life and judging mannerisms, body language, etc. All we have is our word.

And, Melissa, if you truly are on the road to an adoption from China, I hope you're able to look inside yourself and fix whatever it is that seems to be broken. Whatever it is that makes you need to invent a different life instead of sharing your real one. For your children's sake if nothing else. Again... it's hard to read a person's tone in the written word... but know that none of what I've directed to you is meant to be mean or hurtful. I just simply believe in honesty. I care about people. And I feel an obligation to stand up for what's right. I do,sincerely and genuinely, wish you the best on your journey.