It's official. China really did match through May 10th. So that keeps me on target for a January referral with travel most likely late Feb/early March. Which is only about 7-8 mths away.
With that realization there has been much freak out in my head the last week. I mean, I knew when I made the decision to adopt that meant I'd have a baby someday. But it's really hitting me that I'll actually have to take care of said baby and attempt to successfully raise her to adulthood. YKWIM?
Take this evening for example. A simple trip to the grocery store. Well, simple in my old life. The single, care free, worry about no one but myself life. But now... now everything was a freak out. I passed a woman in the produce section shopping with a baby in a car seat thingy attached to her cart...and it went downhill from there.
Is that how I'm going to have to shop from now on? How do you even get that thing attached to the cart? What if the baby throws a fit in the middle of the store? What kind of groceries am I even going to buy? What do you feed a baby? What if she's allergic to something? Will I only figure that out as she goes into anaphylactic shock? Oh crap... I have to find a pediatrician. How do I do that? Do you interview a doc before the baby gets here? What makes a pediatrician a good one?
Stop. Snap out of it. It'll all be fine. You'll figure it out. That's what I told myself. Until I passed the mom with the baby again....
How am I going to load the groceries in the car? Put the baby in first? What if she starts crying? What if it's hot? Start the car and turn on the air. What if the door accidentally locks? Now she's stuck in there and the thing is running. No... keep her in the cart while I unload it. But what if a car loses control and comes careening through the parking lot? Better put her in the car. But then how do I get the cart back? And how do I carry the groceries in the house? Leave her in the car? Bring her in the house first?
The same thing happened as I was mowing the grass yesterday. How am I gonna mow the grass with a baby and no husband?! Strap her to my back in the Ergo? Do it while she's napping and keep a baby monitor plastered to my ear in case she wakes up? Stick her in a playpen on the deck and hope she can entertain herself and not be terrified of a loud lawnmower? Hire a sitter? Hire a lawn boy? Call Grandma?
OMG! I'm freaking out, people. And that's just the tip of the iceberg. I have 7-8 more months to continue the freak out. Who knows what crazy stuff will pop into my head between now and then!! Tell me this is normal, right?