Right after I mailed my dossier off to my agency, my family and a few close friends told me that I should name my daughter. They thought she'd seem more "real" to all of us while we waited for her. I agreed.
I had a list of my favorite baby names. You know, the one that every girl has hidden inside her head that she's carried since she was like 14 or so. You know... about what your imaginary kids would be named someday. (C'mon, admit it. We all had one.) So I started trying them out. But none seemed to work.
For one, I have a difficult last name. It's hard to find something that flows with it. But more importantly, as crazy as this sounds, those names just didn't fit her. Now I say crazy because I don't know who she is, what she'll look like and I'm pretty sure that even now ... over 2 years later... she's probably still not even born yet. So how could I say these names don't fit, right? I don't know. They just didn't. When it was time to assign one of my favorite imaginary kid names to what will be my very real daughter, they just weren't her name.
So I started over from scratch. I started going thru baby name books and making lists. I narrowed it down to my favorites. They were "Chloe", "Addison" and "Mia". Her middle name had always been "Renee" to share with my sister, Carla Renee. My nephew, Teagan Christopher, has that middle name after me. And her other son, Travis Ryan, shares his name with our brothers. It's a sibling thing, I guess. Anyway...back to the story.
I eliminated Chloe pretty quickly. There was a very bratty little kid I was dealing with at my second job that ruined the name for me. Plus years ago I named a dog that name and was having trouble getting past that. For awhile the other two names were neck and neck. I liked them both equally. I couldn't decide. But then I looked up their meanings.
Addison means "son of Adam". Hmmm.... that didn't seem to work. Then I found out that Mia means "mine" in Italian and Latin. That sealed it for me. I thought it was especially meaningful since I'd be solo parenting her. In essence, she'd be all mine.
So in May of 2006 she became Mia Renee. I'll also include a second middle name to somehow incorporate part of her Chinese name. But lately, I've started to wonder if I should change her name.
For two reasons. I didn't want a name that every other kid also had. So back when I was deciding which to choose, I asked everybody I knew if they knew anyone named Mia. Or if their children went to school with anyone named Mia. Nobody did. So I assumed it wasn't that common in my area, in spite of what the "popular baby names lists" said.
But then I became immersed in the Chinese adoption community and realized that it's an extremely popular name for adopted Chinese girls. Just wonderful.... but I'd already committed to the name at that point. I decided it didn't really affect my "real life" because most of these other Mia's I've become aware of are on the internet and are spread out all over the country. Not actually people I'll interact with every day. Or so I thought....
Herein lies the other reason I'm recently doubting my name choice. Shortly after my log in date, I met another single adoptive mom who I've since become very good friends with. Christine lives about 5 minutes from me. Her daughter calls me "Tia" (aunt in Spanish... cute, eh? LOL!). I see us being friends for a very long time. Well, her daughter is from Guatemala and also named... you guessed it... Mia.
My best friend's daughter is named Peyton. Obviously, I'd never even consider naming my daughter the same thing. Or if another friend had picked out a name for their unborn or not yet home adopted child. I wouldn't steal the name. Just couldn't do it. You see my dilemma?
Christine isn't concerned by it. She says that it shouldn't matter. If my daughter were home before we'd met, I certainly wouldn't consider changing her name at that point. She's right... in a sense. But the fact is that she's not here yet. So I still have the option. And I've been contemplating it.
I've been really conflicted though. Because her name has been Mia for over 2 years. I have so many things associated with that name. Gifts from people, clothing, an expensive custom made Chinese calligraphy with both our names, art work for her nursery, Christmas ornaments and a stocking, a Build-a-Bear her cousin's made for her, donations to Half the Sky made in her name, MY BLOG for cripes sakes!!!
But I realized I didn't want to keep that name out of obligation to these mostly material things. I could let all of that go if I needed to. Or somehow change the name on some of those things. I wasn't sure how I'd handle the scrapbook for her "100 Good Wishes Quilt" though since so many of the wishes are addressed to Mia. But I knew I would figure it out if I had to.
For the past couple weeks, I've been toying with the idea of changing it. I've been giving this a lot of thought. I've been laying awake at night thinking about it. A few days ago, I said out loud to the universe "tell me if my daughter's name is supposed to be Mia." Since then I've had little whispers. Wanna hear some?
A little pop up ad at the top of my e-mail account for days advertising custom printed M&M candies. Guess what it said? Yes I took a picture because it was just that profound to me. It says "Mia's made a splash!"
A circular that came in the mail. Look at the name on the shoes. Took a picture of that, too. All coincidence? Or my answers from the universe?
Most importantly, every other name I've tried on just doesn't give me the same feeling. I've been saying them out loud and having conversations with them. For example... "Chloe, go pick up your shoes" or "Addison, do you want a bedtime story?" just doesn't give me the same flutter in my heart as "Mia, it's time for dinner." Seriously. Sometimes you just have to practice. That's part of the luxury of living alone. You don't look like a crazy person when you talk to yourself. LOL!
It's also a little curious that Ozimum asked this question and then a few days later she and I exchanged e-mails about my confusion on whether to keep the name or not. Hmmm... weird timing?
When I started typing this post out to answer her question, I was 99% sure I was sticking with the name Mia. But something in me decided to save the post before it was finished and go look up the meaning of my favorite names again. Not sure why. Just felt a desire to do so in that particular moment. When I googled "baby name sites" I found a different one. One I hadn't stumbled across before. It had a meaning for the name Mia I also hadn't ever seen before. It stopped me in my tracks. Because it couldn't be any more perfect. This is what it reads.
Mia : It's source is Miryam, a Hebrew name meaning "wished for child".
Now suddenly, without a doubt, I'm 100% sure. My daughter's name is Mia. You can't ignore the universe, right? LOL!