I Loathe Paperwork

I'm so friggin' sick of doing adoption paperwork I can't see straight! I remember way back when... well, exactly 4 years ago during March of 2006 to be exact... when the "paperchase" was exciting. It meant there was a baby coming. It meant my life was about to change. It meant so many things. It was all new and fresh and wonderful.

I was happy to gather all the documents, make endless copies, sign this and sign that, find a notary, meet with my social worker, get fingerprinted, go have a physical and gush to my doctor about what it was for, have blood tests, actually write my true weight down on paper for people to see. Wait wait... I take that last part back. I was never happy about revealing that number. Oh and those needles really sucked, too. Okay so not everything was all sunshine and rainbow-ey back then.

But now... 4 years and enough pieces of paper that I've probably leveled a forest in Oregon later.... I absolutely HATE it all! I'm frustrated with this process and so damn sick and tired of waiting.... and waiting... and waiting.

I just finished my 3rd home study and every step of it just... quite frankly... Pissed Me Off. I'm sick of the intrusion into my life, sick of proving to everyone else over and over again that I'm worthy of becoming a parent. And I'm really, really over all the money. Seriously. I knew my choice to adopt was going to be an expensive one and I was okay with that. But I think this paying for the same things multiple times has just worn me down. Another $450 for this home study crap after just writing USCIS another check for $750 in October for the 3rd immigration renewal. It's bullshit. It truly is.

Plus I had to write a check to the new adoption agency to transfer my file back in November. Remember that? Because C2A2 decided to change the rules about being represented by a Hague accredited agency. Yep... I got screwed through no fault of my own just because I'd naively picked a crappy agency. And the new agency that I had no say so about, that I was told partnered with my old crappy agency and was my only choice to transfer to? Let's just say I'm not a satisfied customer so far.

All that paperwork I hate doing.... the new agency decided they wanted it updated. Practically my entire dossier. Seriously. So for the past couple of months that's what I've been doing. Paperchasing. Except now... all the joy has been sucked out of it. And why does my agency want a completely new dossier? To send to China? Uh no.... as far as China is concerned my life stopped back in 2006. (Does anyone else see the irony in that statement? That's deep.) China will never even see this new dossier. Neither will my own government. The new agency wants it. Just because they do. Good reason, eh?

I can't even imagine all the emotions I'll be feeling when I finally have this little girl in my arms and can focus on raising her.... instead of the endless amounts of paperwork it took to get her.

She Fought Hard

But after a long and difficult battle, my Aunt Norma left us this evening. I'm very sad that she'll never know my daughter. But my heart goes out to my uncle, my cousins and her grandchildren who now have to learn to live without her. My cousin's youngest daughter isn't much older than Tatum and she was very close to my aunt. I expect this loss will be especially hard on her. Thanks for the prayers and kind thoughts as our family deals with the days ahead.

Update

Aunt Norma has taken a turn for the worse and they've called her children to the hospital. She's waiting on a liver transplant and without one they don't think she'll survive the week. It's hard to ask for prayers for a new liver knowing what the cost is to another family. But we're not ready to lose her. So if you're the praying type, I'm asking for some.

Still counting....

Holy crap! I didn't realize that number was so high cuz I've kinda stopped paying attention. I had to count it out a few times before I believed that was the right month. I kept thinking "has it really been that long? That can't be right." But it is. Sigh. Here's to month 45 in the long wait for Mia.

Can-Not-Wait !!!!

Is it bad that I'm already so totally freakin' excited about this and it doesn't even open until June 30th? And yes... I'm very well aware of the fact that I'm only a couple years shy of 40... but I just can't help myself.

*Click on the 4 little arrows in the right corner for full screen.

More Prayers

Remember this post almost a year and a half ago about my Aunt Norma? Well, she's a tough cookie. She battled her way back from that and made it home. She had some major lifestyle changes to deal with but she was home and doing well. She'd have bad days still.... but all in all she was doing pretty remarkably considering everything she'd been through.

Right before Christmas she got a call to go to Pittsburgh for a transplant. Honestly right now I can't even remember everything they transplanted. I think it was stomach, intestines and pancreas. Or partial of some of those. But it was pretty serious. It was done to improve her quality of life so she could some day eat actual food again instead of relying on IV nutrition. Plus the IV nutrition was causing damage to her liver.

She's been in the hospital since that time and has taken many turns for the worse only to rally again. But she's really struggling right now. She's back in ICU. She has an infection, her kidneys are acting up and her liver is failing. She's now on the list for a liver transplant and I believe has made it to the number one postion because her need for a new liver has gotten so significant.

So if you're the praying type, please send some up for my Aunt Norma and her family.

I'm Baaa-ack

I know, I know. It's been awhile. My self induced bloggy break stretched much longer than I anticipated. I just got busy. Was very stressed out. A little depressed. And couldn't find anything interesting to say here. So I stopped trying. Other than some mindless Facebook games and an addiction to RQ, I stepped away from the computer quite a bit actually. So I'm really far behind in reading all my favorite blogs right now. But I'm slowly catching up.

I do appreciate all the blog comments, e-mails and phone calls to make sure I was still alive. No worries. I am. LOL! I knew it was time to get back to blogging when my sister told me my dad asked her if I was okay... cuz he noticed I wasn't blogging. You'd have to know my dad to find the humor in that. He can barely figure out how to work his e-mail (sorry Dad but you know it's true) yet apparently he's a big fan of the blog.

Anyhoo... I was starting to miss the blog and all my bloggy friends. So I'll be making my way back to it. I'll catch you up on all the goings on in my life the last couple of months later though. It's a beautiful sunny day here today. Unfortunately, I have to do my taxes, some laundry, and then finish more adoption paperwork. (Can I just say how SICK I am of doing adoption paperwork?! But that's a story for another day.) If I get started now I might just get outside to soak in a bit of that sunshine we mid-westerners have been missing during one of the snowiest, dreariest, coldest, most miserable February's on record. I think the weatherman said we went like 20-something days with no sun last month. Ugh! I'm so looking forward to Spring!