The D Word

I'm not skinny. Never have been and never will be. I'm just not built that way unfortunately. I've dieted and failed so many times that I've learned to keep my mouth shut about it. But I've been doing pretty good on this one and broke my own rule recently when I mentioned a weight loss. That brought up some questions about this dieting thing and what I'm doing to lose. So I decided to share.

When I got on the scale last March during the physical for my homestudy update, I was quite shocked by the number. It was bad. Really bad. As I've mentioned here before, I'm an emotional eater. Big time. And the stress of the last 5 years of this adoption had taken it's toll. It's called "The Wait" weight. LOL!

I started working on it right away. But I still wasn't that committed. Six months later, I was only down about 25 lbs or so. And trust me when I say there's a lot more than that to lose. Then I went up and down struggling over 10 lbs during my vacation in October, then Thanksgiving and finally Christmas. By the first of the year, I was back to my 25-26 lb loss.

But the clock was ticking. This referral is right around the corner. And I knew I had to take drastic measures and get really serious if I wanted to be smaller before going to China. There are all kinds of reasons why I want that.

First and foremost, I want to be a healthier mom. I wanna be able to run after my daughter and roll around on the floor with her. And as a single parent, I need to be more conscious of my health for her sake. I also know the trip to China is physically very difficult. I'm so not looking forward to that uncomfortable plane ride. Ugh! I just didn't need to stack the deck against me before I even got there.

Then there are the vain reasons, of course. I wanna look better in my clothes. I don't wanna be disgusted at myself as I look at all of our photos of the China trip. These aren't photos I'll be able to hide away and never look at again. They'll be a part of our lives permanently and looked at year after year. And even when I'm in a good place about myself .... I'm still not real happy with having my picture taken.

I knew I needed to get as much weight off as fast as I could. I really wish I hadn't procrastinated this. It would've been a lot easier to do this sooner rather than later. But here I am.

I'm doing the Medifast plan. Several people I work with have been very successful on it. So I thought I'd give it a shot. Let me just say.... it's horrible. But it's effective so I'm sticking with it.

It's one of those very low calorie, low carb meal replacement plans. I buy food from them. And when I say "food" I use that term very loosely. LOL! Pretty much all of it tastes like crap. But you get used to it.

This is what I eat. All bought from Medifast except my "lean and green" meal. Breakfast is oatmeal. A couple hours later I have a granola bar type thing. Then lunch is a soup. Another bar two hours or so later. Then my lean and green. And another snack later. For me that's usually a shake, pretzels, hot cocoa or this other thing that looks like Kix cereal but is supposed to be cheese puffs.

You can configure the plan however you want as long as you eat five of their things and the "lean and green" meal. If you like the bars, you could actually eat five bars all day. Or mix it up any way you like. My way is just what works for me.

It's VERY restrictive. I have a list of acceptable meats and veggies and portion sizes. Even the condiments are super restrictive. You have to be really dedicated to it. It's hard. I'm not gonna lie. But it's exactly what I needed right now. I needed something where there was no thinking involved. I know exactly what to expect every day with my eating.

And I needed something that didn't allow me to cheat. Cuz I will if you let me. That's why Weight Watchers won't work for me right now. If you tell me I can have pizza.... then I'll eat too much. I just know how I am. I've done WW before successfully. And will probably go back to something like that in the future. It's a much more realistic way of eating long term.

But in the short term, this is exactly what I needed. A no BS, set in stone, no thinking kind of plan. And because it's so restrictive the weight comes off faster. Which helps you to remain motivated to keep going.

Yesterday was my week 4 weigh in and I'm down 18 lbs!! Added to my loss from what my "homestudy weight" was... I weigh 43 lbs less than last year. I haven't been this weight since maybe 2008. I'm fitting into clothes I haven't worn in years. I feel great physically. But more importantly, emotionally. I'm working my way back to my happy place. And it feels good.

I haven't started any exercise yet. But that's coming soon. If you're not physically active, they want you to wait three weeks while your body adjusts to the huge carb reduction. The first week was hell. I was in serious carb withdrawals. Headaches, shaky. But now... I feel fantastic!

My first goal was to be about 10 lbs less than where I am right now before referral. I think I'll make it. After that, I just want to get off as much as I can before going to China. Whatever that number is.

I still won't be in my ideal place. Not by quite a bit actually since I put on so much weight in the last 5 yrs and then procrastinated trying to take it off. But wherever I end up will be better than where I started. And that's a good thing. :)