It's official. China really did match through May 10th. So that keeps me on target for a January referral with travel most likely late Feb/early March. Which is only about 7-8 mths away.
With that realization there has been much freak out in my head the last week. I mean, I knew when I made the decision to adopt that meant I'd have a baby someday. But it's really hitting me that I'll actually have to take care of said baby and attempt to successfully raise her to adulthood. YKWIM?
Take this evening for example. A simple trip to the grocery store. Well, simple in my old life. The single, care free, worry about no one but myself life. But now... now everything was a freak out. I passed a woman in the produce section shopping with a baby in a car seat thingy attached to her cart...and it went downhill from there.
Is that how I'm going to have to shop from now on? How do you even get that thing attached to the cart? What if the baby throws a fit in the middle of the store? What kind of groceries am I even going to buy? What do you feed a baby? What if she's allergic to something? Will I only figure that out as she goes into anaphylactic shock? Oh crap... I have to find a pediatrician. How do I do that? Do you interview a doc before the baby gets here? What makes a pediatrician a good one?
Stop. Snap out of it. It'll all be fine. You'll figure it out. That's what I told myself. Until I passed the mom with the baby again....
How am I going to load the groceries in the car? Put the baby in first? What if she starts crying? What if it's hot? Start the car and turn on the air. What if the door accidentally locks? Now she's stuck in there and the thing is running. No... keep her in the cart while I unload it. But what if a car loses control and comes careening through the parking lot? Better put her in the car. But then how do I get the cart back? And how do I carry the groceries in the house? Leave her in the car? Bring her in the house first?
The same thing happened as I was mowing the grass yesterday. How am I gonna mow the grass with a baby and no husband?! Strap her to my back in the Ergo? Do it while she's napping and keep a baby monitor plastered to my ear in case she wakes up? Stick her in a playpen on the deck and hope she can entertain herself and not be terrified of a loud lawnmower? Hire a sitter? Hire a lawn boy? Call Grandma?
OMG! I'm freaking out, people. And that's just the tip of the iceberg. I have 7-8 more months to continue the freak out. Who knows what crazy stuff will pop into my head between now and then!! Tell me this is normal, right?
33 comments:
As a single mom through adoption, I can tell you I had all the same thoughts and freak outs... but like you said, you just figure it out! It was the mowing the lawn thought that freaked me out most. Once I got used to her nap routine, I learned how to mow really fast and did it while she slept.
Buy a riding mower and hold the baby on your lap???
It will all fall into place.. you just do it..
Believe me it is fun..
and you are going to be a WONDERFUL MOmmy..
can't wait..
Hugs..
You will be great!!! And, you are very normal. BTDT and sometimes still DT. You will figure it all out as you go, and what you don't you will ask friends for advise. The fact that you are thinking about these thigns is a good sign, its those that don't that end up with the problems.
My advise is to hire a hot lawn boy, put your girl down for a nap, pour yourself a drink and watch from the window. I'm just sayin...
i had to figure those same things out with a child who can't walk- trust me, it just... WORKS. ALL of it. looking back, i never had a thing to worry about, really, not about the practical stuff anyway. even if i were single, i could still do it. and people step up to the plate big to help and you'll find you have money being squeezed out of your pockets to cover the occasional break from lawn maintenance (few times a year i let someone do it for me).
it really is... almost magical... or miraculous, how so much becomes second nature.
you will be an awesome mom.
Jaysus - I sure hope that people chime in with their answers to these questions - because I AM FREAKING OUT TOO!!!!!!
You're cracking me up! Just remember that with Mia coming home Jan-Mar, you'll have a couple of months to work out a routine before you have to mow the lawn - oh, but then you'll have the snow and cold and....Trust me, amazing woman that you are, you will find a way to work it all out.
Get out while you still can!!! KIDDING! You will be fine. All the things you described really are stressful sometimes, but somehow it does work out. I have someone doing my yard this summer, even though the $$$ should be going elsewhere. I've had to realized that there are limitations...I am only one person afterall!
You are so normal! I have a husband and I still had most of those thoughts before my first baby and then the questions were how do I do this with 2, and then how do I do this with 3. It is always crazy-scary and yet it is fabulous in the end. Enjoy the next few months, soak up the peace and quiet, and get ready for the best thing ever.
Found myself having these same freakout moments, and this is going to be my 4th child and I have a husband!!! You figure it out, it just takes a little planning.
You will be doing it all in your sleep before you know it! I can't wait for the day you get your referral. Can. Not. Wait! You are going to be an amazing momma!
Enjoy all the time you have right now and make the most of your sleep! ;0
This is normal :) And all the ways you suggest of doing everything will all work for you as a single :) I really stressed at how I would get the shopping in, but it wasn't such a big deal (well, getting a small child and heavy bags up 3 flights of stairs when the elevator broke was but aside from that...)
Funnily enough I had a little freak out the other day after getting petrol. Running in quickly with Hannah I thought how difficult it is going to be with 2 coming home shortly (hopefully). And I reaslised how normal it is to just 'run in quickly' with Hannah - something that I dreaded doing before she came home as I thought it would be so complicated.
It is amazing how quickly you will adapt to your wonderful 'new normal' when the time comes. Yes it will be harder than you thought, and more frustrating, and more stressful - but it will be infinitely more wonderful and joyful too.
You are Mia's mommy, and though you won't do everything perfect, you will be HER perfect mommy.
Biggest thing? Don't stress-it will come to you on how to do things and the two of you will learn together. And she will be just fine in her crib while you get things like mowing done-you'll see.
And for pediatricians, search based on your insurance, then meet up with them and see hours, locations, hospitals, etc. Groups are great because you can always see someone, private practice is nice because you only have one doctor-and if you don't like them you can break up and find a new doctor. Ask any moms in your area-like at the grocery store-where they go and what they think as well. :)
I am so excited for you!!
I went through exactly the same thing. groceries and all. no matter how much you plan, or think, there will be things you will miss. you WILL figure it out. I promise.
I interviewed a ped my friend uses.
I always parked next to the cart corral, and put Kate in first with the door open and talked to her while I loaded the groceries.
Snow removal, now that took some thought. I planted her at the window so she could see me, fired up the snowblower and ran in the house about a thousand times. Now I just say. "I'm going to clear the snow". She either comes with, or stays and watches tv.
Don't underestimate the value of a portable dvd player at opportune moments during these times. Seriously.
Call if you want to have dinner!
Okay, here is the thing...(no disrespect to married mama's) but let's face it, us single mama's, are more resourceful and creative when push comes to shove. I had the same worries as you did only to later find that it was no big deal. You've got 8 months to imagine a game plan if you want to "plan". Heck, every time you have a question, post it on your blog for how mama's manage to do it. You know everyone will chime in! Hugs.
weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee, let the freak outs begin!!! Glad to hear It's not just me that cries when she sees a baby in target or sees a toy commercial. OMG, I sure hope we dont have too many months to go thru this-my friends think I'm nutzo already.
Girl I certainly hope it's all normal because I am having the exact same freakouts!!!! And I am not a single! I'm sure my hubby is having them he's just a little less openly freaked out. :-) It will all come together I hope - I can tell you all the mistakes I make in the next 6 months and you can learn from those! :-)
GAH! I just left a really long comment and it disappeared. Darn it.
You will figure it out. It's natural to worry, but you'll make it work. You'll be an old pro before you know it!
HAhahaha... I have had these thoughts so many times too...
It will all just fall into place... and I will use you as my "test dummy" of sorts! LOL!!!
hope you are well... give me a call...
Lol! I am right there with you girl. Having the same, "this is really going to happen!" thoughts. (LID 5-31-06) I have not allowed myself to buy anything and now I'm thinking, holy crap I have a lot of stuff to buy and do. Apparently 5 years is not enough time :)
haha...I loved this post!
Skip the thingy in the cart. Someone gave me one at a shower and I exchanged it for cash. I am a minimalist when it comes to baby crap. Only take what you absolutely need because as a single mama you are going to have your hands full!
Duc throws a fit at the grocery store on a regular basis. He gets bored and tired and he doesn't fight (unless I am stupid enough to get him out of the cart because then I can't get him back in). I just let him screech. If he gets too load I start popping my hand over his mouth repeatedly because he thinks it is funny and take the volume down.
Find a ped before you get your referral and prepare them that you may need them to review the referral info. I'm fortunate that my ped is an AP of two daughters from China and I trust him.
Grass? I'm allergic so I finally have a good excuse. If you afford it hire someone. If not, trade services with someone in your neighborhood.
I have a truly wild child. If I can provide advice I'm happy to do so. Besides, we aren't that far away:)
Your post is so funny!!! I know after all this waiting I should not be freaking out.... but it is nice to know others are as well. LOL! It is so great to see the end of this wait SOON!
Mariah
LID 5.16.06
Oh, no, I didn't think about the lawn mower thing. I wouldn't want to carry her while I mow because of the dust and debris, even I wear a mask. Perhaps during naptime, or put her in the baby swing on the play structure so she can watch me.
I'm a single Mom too. And let me tell you it is going to be hard. But you'll figure it out and you'll end up a pro. You're always ALWAYS going to worry! Trust me on that one!
Nope, not normal at all. :op
Chill out sister. It will all work out. They're not as breakable as you think.
LoL - this brought back memories. Everything finds it's place and you learn as u go . . . together.
I never did the thing in the grocery cart or anything else fancy like that. As long as she had cheez-its (one in each hand), she'd shop just fine.
Being single, I did a lot while M was napping/sleeping (showering included). And Mali learned that she just needed to wait sometimes when Mom was busy - which isn't such a bad lesson for a child to learn.
No worries, but I freaked out anyway ;-)
Ahhh you will be a great mom and it will all come together I freeked out about how to snow blow the drive way. Here's a tip, seat belts there is one in the car, another in the highchair. They came in very handy with a little DVD player at times when I needed to get something done like pack the car so we could go on an adventure.
Deep breath. You're going to be fine and you'll find your groove and try to remember what your old groove was!
I'll try to share some of what I've experienced with Hannah.
Grocery shopping is a ne fun treat! For a long time Hannah and I did this either with her in her bucket or strapped to me and now she likes to sit in the cart. It's a great time of face to face contact with my sweetie and we talk our way through the grocery store and chitter, chatter away. Love grocery shopping with her and go a couple of times a week for just a few items as it's a great 'out' on a day when we'd just like a little outing.
Her temper is emerging more (right on track for a 16 mo old) so I'm guessing our day of a temper tantrum in the store may be coming. If so we'll leave our cart and head to the car.
As for the car/cart thing, in the winter when it was freezing I'd put her in the car first but once it got nicer out I choose to keep her in the cart and return the cart with her in it rather than leave her in the car alone. Mommy with baby parking spots will soon become your friend!
You'll figure out what to feed her based on your own instincts and also from others. Other moms with babies Mia's age will become great sources of food inspiration. So often I've heard myself saying, 'hmmm, never thought to feed her that!'
The first 2 times I tried Hannah with peanut butter I did so with the phone near by and Benadryl on the counter. Wasn't needed but wanted to be ready just in case.
Cutting the grass and shovelling the driveway have both been done with Hannah strapped to me in a carrier. Tried putting her in the doorway in an exersaucer but she was too upset and just cried. She loves her carrier and I don't have to worry about anything flying out and hitting her so the carrier it is. Not confident about leaving her inside, even sleeping, when I'm outside for a longer amount of time.
One thing I've found is that blogging has definitely taken a back seat to time with my love. Still hop on when I can but it's far less often....and I wouldn't have it any other way!
You're going to do great and you'll quickly wonder what you did with your life before Mia was here. It will be all about her and you won't want it any other way!!
Deep breath. You're going to be fine and you'll find your groove and try to remember what your old groove was!
I'll try to share some of what I've experienced with Hannah.
Grocery shopping is a ne fun treat! For a long time Hannah and I did this either with her in her bucket or strapped to me and now she likes to sit in the cart. It's a great time of face to face contact with my sweetie and we talk our way through the grocery store and chitter, chatter away. Love grocery shopping with her and go a couple of times a week for just a few items as it's a great 'out' on a day when we'd just like a little outing.
Her temper is emerging more (right on track for a 16 mo old) so I'm guessing our day of a temper tantrum in the store may be coming. If so we'll leave our cart and head to the car.
As for the car/cart thing, in the winter when it was freezing I'd put her in the car first but once it got nicer out I choose to keep her in the cart and return the cart with her in it rather than leave her in the car alone. Mommy with baby parking spots will soon become your friend!
You'll figure out what to feed her based on your own instincts and also from others. Other moms with babies Mia's age will become great sources of food inspiration. So often I've heard myself saying, 'hmmm, never thought to feed her that!'
The first 2 times I tried Hannah with peanut butter I did so with the phone near by and Benadryl on the counter. Wasn't needed but wanted to be ready just in case.
Cutting the grass and shovelling the driveway have both been done with Hannah strapped to me in a carrier. Tried putting her in the doorway in an exersaucer but she was too upset and just cried. She loves her carrier and I don't have to worry about anything flying out and hitting her so the carrier it is. Not confident about leaving her inside, even sleeping, when I'm outside for a longer amount of time.
One thing I've found is that blogging has definitely taken a back seat to time with my love. Still hop on when I can but it's far less often....and I wouldn't have it any other way!
You're going to do great and you'll quickly wonder what you did with your life before Mia was here. It will be all about her and you won't want it any other way!!
LOL! I think every first time mama has had those same thoughts as you! I know I did. When Briana came home, I was so clueless. It is amazing how you just start to "figure it out" as you go along.
When it came to shopping carts, Briana always loved riding in the cart and I would unload my groceries as she sat in there and then I would bring the cart to the drop off spot, take her out and put her in the car.
I always had a snack for her for the long grocery store visits - Cheerios was the favorite. Now she gets a free cookie. :)
It's gonna be ok! Promise!
You will figure it out and everything will be fine. Hang in there and I can't wait until it is finally your turn :-)
You'll do fine!!! Mother's just have that natural instinct whether the child is born to you or you adopt. You will know and you will make the right decisions. Like Catherane said, there are many moms out there who will glady offer their advice if you ask.
Totally normal indeed. I think we all go through that - well, at least I did so maybe it's just you and me.
Now the bad news, it doesn't end. You pretty much do this the rest of their life from what I hear. The voices get quieter from time to time but depending on the situation sometimes they shout.
Welcome to parenting!
On a serious note, the wonderful thing about being a mama is you'll just know what's right because it will feel right. Ask lots of questions and always follow your gut.
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