Baby Carriers

There's been some discussion lately on the blogs about which baby carrier to use. I also recently saw someone over on the Single Adopt China Yahoo Group asking about them. My sister is somewhat of an expert at the whole baby wearing thing. She swears by it and has done this with her own 4 kids. She actually has an addiction to carriers. I've lost count of how many she owns. The good news for me is that I have my pick of which ones I want to borrow when we're ready to go to China. Woo hoo! I'm definitely taking the Ergo and maybe the Mei-Tai. Anyway, I asked her to write a blog post to help guide those of us who are trying to figure this out. So if you want to check out the opinions and advice of a BTDT baby wearing momma as she discusses the baby carriers click here. Thanks Carla!

Off topic, but who watched American Idol tonight? WTF?! I was shocked to see that Sabrina got voted off and that Haley girl stayed. Sabrina can sing!! Haley.... well if the show were American Broadway Idol maybe cuz that's what she sounded like for EVERY song she sang no matter what the genre. But she absolutely did not have the range the other girl does. I was glad to see Antonella finally go. And Sundance is gone too. Now I like Sunjaya's personality but the boy just is not the best singer. He should not have made the top 12. Just my opinions though.

Priceless Memory Only Cost $11.56

Not much to blog about so I'll tell ya a cute little story instead. I bought my house 10 years ago this month. When I moved in, I realized how much stuff I had and thought "I really should have a garage sale". Well, fast forward to last May and 9 years worth of procrastination and 9 more years worth of crap. So I decided that as part of my preparation for motherhood it was time to simplify my life, re-organize, and hopefully make some money for the adoption fund at the same time. My sister and brother-in-law live in a town where they have a community wide garage sale which draws many shoppers. They also live on the main street so we figured that was a great place to have it. Which meant not only did I have to sort through things, clean, box it all up but also had to haul it over there. All the work really sucked and was exhausting but it was so worth it. I made $741!! Can you believe that?! My sister sold a lot of her stuff, too. We figured between the two of us our two day total was $1100!! We'd made big signs explaining that the proceeds would be used for my adoption. This helped to keep people from haggling over price too much. Come to think of it, most paid what was on the sticker. Everyone was so nice and encouraging. Many asked about the process and gave me good blessings.

But best of all was my sweet nephew, Tanner. He's the oldest of my sister's four. (I guess you loyal readers are familiar with my niece and nephews since I talk about them so much. But I figured I should repeat it in case there are some rookies here. LOL!) At the time we had just recently explained my adoption plans to her children. That Aunt Krista is now going to have a baby of her own but she will come from China instead of her belly. Tanner is the only one who's starting to get it. The younger ones talk about it but I don't think they really understand the concept.

Anyway, Tanner decides to make some money by having a lemonade stand during the garage sale. I help him make the signs and my sister helps make the lemonade. Later in the day I ask what he's going to spend the money on that he earns. He tells me he's going to donate it to me. I told him he didn't have to do that. That he could keep the money for whatever he wanted. He replied "It's okay. I have plenty of money in my piggybank. I don't need this. I just really want a cousin from China." I was so touched I just started crying. He made $11.56 for the adoption fund that day. At 25 cents a glass .....that's a lot of lemonade. Man I love that kid!!

Referrals Are In

Looks like the CCAA has matched through October 24th, 2005. This is not great news. The last batch stopped at Oct 13th. So that's only 11 days worth.

Only time will tell how long I'll wait. But I've lost my optimism that there will be some big speed up. I won't see Mia in 2007. It's already March and they still have 2 more months of 2005 to get through. Rough predictions based on this average have me getting a referral late spring or early summer of 2008. Yep you heard me right. I may wait 2 years from my log in date. I know she'll be worth the wait but it doesn't make it any easier. And I really didn't want to travel in summer '08 because of the Olympics in Beijing. But I'll go when they tell me. At least now I have more time to save money for the inflated airfare and hotel prices I'm sure to pay during that time. There's always a bright side. Right?

But in good news congratulations to all the families who are now seeing their daughters for the first time!

Just sad

I went to a retirement party last night for someone I work with. It was nice to see some friends that I'd not seen in awhile. Towards the end of the night, after the flowing of the beer and wine taps, I bumped into a female acquaintance who'd consumed quite a bit. I'd just heard that night that she was going through a rough time. It seems her husband of 25 years had left her for another woman. He'd sprung it on her completely out of the blue. She had no idea it was coming. So the inevitable conversation began.... and she poured it all out. She had joined our secret club. The club that no one wants to be a member of or chooses to join.

I completely understood how she felt. I've been there. In the exact same place. Although I was a newlywed and he didn't leave, just strayed. No difference really. The pain is the same. That feeling of betrayal and rejection. That feeling of having everything you know that's true in the world turned completely upside down. She said it would've been easier if he had died. And I agreed because I knew she was right. To grieve the loss of the life that you knew and the person you loved is hard. But when that person is responsible for shattering your heart, it changes you... forever. She was a wreck and the alcohol just made it worse. So sad. So devastated. So broken. So angry. And I saw myself 6 years ago.

I tried to tell her that in time things will get better. She will be strong again. And someday she'll be happy again. But in a new sense of normal that she must create for herself. First, she has to go through all the stages of this process. Then she can start to heal. It's too fresh for her right now. She couldn't hear me. She's still in that part when you can't do much other than curl up in a ball on the floor. The part where you absolutely lose your mind. The part where it hurts so bad you think you might die. I remember.

But what I couldn't bear to tell her was that you never really heal. Not completely. After the person you trusted with your heart breaks it, that crack will always remain. And each time after, when you try opening yourself up to the possibility.... and it happens again, that crack deepens. She'll never look at relationships and men quite the same again. She'll put up a wall to protect herself. She'll never completely trust anyone ever again. No matter how strong she gets, part of her will always be broken. It's sad really. I wish that somehow men and women could understand the long term damage they do when they betray their lover's trust. Maybe it'd make them think twice. To suffer through tragedy that's beyond our control is hard enough. But when that suffering is caused by another person. The person who promised to love you forever. Promised to never hurt you. The person who made you feel safe. It's devastating. And you never feel safe again.

I've been on the floor curled up in a ball three times in my adult life. They say three time's the charm. I guess that's why I choose to be alone now. I just don't have the energy to get through it again. And now I have more important things to focus my heart on. My daughter is coming.

I don't know why I wrote this today. I guess seeing her pain brought back more memories than I care to admit. And it made me sad. No comments today friends. This was for me and it was hard enough to push "publish".

Mailbox Goodies

I've been so busy I have to send out some belated thank you's as well. These came in the mail recently.

The ladybug magnet came anonymously. I had to check the postmark to see that it came from Salt Lake City, Utah. I only know 2 people there. And I mean "know" as in through bloggerville. Well, I won't give the secret away but someone else did. Hee hee. Click here if you'd like to try to figure it out. This was a birthday present from the very thoughtful Doris. It came all the way from Canada. It's so adorable.

I'm constantly amazed at the connections we make through this blogger world. I've met so many amazing people both in real life and just through this technology. It's been such an awesome source of support. And makes passing the time a little easier knowing that there are so many others out there in the same slow boat to China. LOL! Thanks again for thinking of me Doris and anonymous person!! You both made me smile.

Happy Belated Birthday Travis!

February 26th was the little Travis' 7th birthday. There are two Travis' in our family which causes confusion sometimes. The little guy was named for our brother. We used to call them Big Travis and Little Travis just to tell them apart in our conversations. But lately, our brother has morphed into Uncle Travis. Anyway, I digress....
Here he is with his birthday cake and the blue ice cream that he picked out himself. Yes it tasted just about as good as it looked. Blech. Travis LOVES dinosaurs and trains. I've been buying him those Imaginext dinosaurs for several years now. In fact, I think the novelty has seriously worn off of these as presents for that kid. Next year, I've gotta come up with a new gig. Especially when he opened it and said something along the lines of "Awww this is the one I didn't want. " Well, I crashed and burned on that one. At least somebody liked it. Can you say tomboy?

Travis is the second born of my sister's four. He's our sensitive, overly dramatic child. You can't joke with him AT ALL. And forget sarcasm cuz it's lost on him. He takes everything you say literally and gets his feelings hurt easily. But he's very loveable and sweet. He loves to cuddle. When he was younger, he'd accompany the cuddling by professing "I yike you." He stills does it but has now learned to pronounce his L's. He's going to be the athlete while his older brother, Tanner, is more of the bookworm. Hey this kid slid into the base last year in T-ball like a pro. He bent his leg, went down for the slide and bounced right back up on his feet on the base.... at 6! He and Tanner were born in Texas. When Travis was 2 weeks old my sister and her husband loaded up a U-Haul and drove here because my sister was homesick. I'm so glad they moved back. Thanks to her husband, Bobby, for agreeing to that one cuz I couldn't imagine my life without the T's. Here's a rare picture of all of them at once without any fighting, crying or fussing. Check out their adventures over at my sister's blog Tales of the T's.

Happy Birthday Travis (a little late)!! I love you.

Disclaimer: I didn't forget his birthday. Just forgot to post about it ON his birthday.